Tantra and BDSM…..Wait, What?

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Why might Tantric practices be considered a part of BDSM? Well, there are several reasons why I think it fits in very well. I could talk about this in great length and detail, but for the sake of this article, I will try to keep it simple and to the point, lightly touching on what I believe are some valid parallels. I will also assume that the reader has a basic understanding of a loose definition of Tantric practices, or at least has heard of it in some way. If you have not, I recommend reading about it on Wikipedia for a standardized and historical definition, so as to understand what I am covering here. I believe your intuition and experience will carry you through this article if you have even that minimal knowledge.

Let me begin by saying there are as many different beliefs about the practices and components of Tantra as there are about the Practices and components of BDSM. However, that is not the parallel I’m talking about. Rather, that is to dissuade any offense anyone might take if I should state anything that you, the reader, disagrees with. Some of you may not believe a word of this depending on how you feel about unseen energy and meta-physical ideals. Whatever your beliefs, I would like to make my first point though. Many of us love spankings. This is a common scene in the world of BDSM. Picture this, or better yet, if you can, FEEL it…That tingling sensation that deliciously passes through your entire body when in anticipation of a blow, the intense connection between you and another that reverberates up and down your spine when contact is made, almost pulsating in and out and up and down until your toes tingle and your entire being is on fire in a great sort of way…..( at least that’s how it can be with me sometimes!) I imagine a Dom, or the one giving the spanking, has some sort of similar experience, although from a giving perspective rather than a receiving perspective. They and the energy they exude are the “spark” that lights your body on fire, so to speak. You can’t SEE it, but you can darn sure FEEL it. That’s what I’m talking about. It is a form of Tantric energy. There is no right or wrong way to feel it in my opinion, although some sects of Tantric practice may disagree with me, as many are based upon a direct Yin-Yang, Male/Female, positive/negative belief.

I tend to generalize it more, as my beliefs are my own, as yours are yours. Just to try to be aware of how energy and feeling flow through your body is a great way to start. There is no certain position you need to be in. There are no absolute rules you have to follow. Simply and seriously, you can just feel your way around one another’s bodies, usually starting hands to hands, and working out from there in whatever pattern you feel out. Touching at first, slowly pull back from each other’s skin, and it will almost feel as though you are still touching, as you begin to consciously feel the warm sensation of what might be pulsating, flowing, or tingling energy passing between you.  

Another parallel is the great amount of trust and complete openness and vulnerability you must call upon when practicing Tantra, just as in BDSM in general. Can’t you tell when your being  lied to? Don’t you just “know” it when your partner has closed themselves to you, and put up walls? Of course you do. (The vast majority of the time I’m sure) You may not always acknowledge it, but I’m sure you’ve been there. If you were to be in a Tantric session, instead of a straight BDSM session, ( I use BDSM here for clarity and reason) you would feel the same thing, only you would feel it from another level of consciousness, or recognition, if you will, instead of using just physical signals. It would most likely be in the form of seemingly being pushed back, or blocked off, or maybe just a feeling of separation from your partner. It is very emotional, whether or not both (or more) people in the situation are feeling the same thing. Just as what a Dom feels and what a sub feels during the same session and physical experience may differ greatly in the emotional, and dare I say, spiritual, reasoning of the experience. Once again, neither is right, and neither is wrong.

Examining, learning and experimenting with this kind of thing together can be a wonderful and fulfilling way of bringing you even closer to one another, even if you think that’s impossible, haha.

There are also more “physically” literal ways of incorporating Tantra and its various practices. These usually include, but are not limited to, direct positive/negative aspects and performing a scene wherein one seeks to overcome each aspect, and bring them together in a unifying whole, hence the Yin-Yang concept. A little light in the dark, a little male in the female, and vice-versa. For example, I recently read about a session where one had to service another (yes in any way your dirty mind is going!) whom was thought of as unworthy, dirty, etc. Forcing themselves to see to every need and want of another whom they thought was a complete turn-off. Many believe this and other actions like it, can be a good way of getting into the mindset of unity, and connectedness, the bringing together of a paradox, if you will. The finished Yin-Yang picture. Reminiscent of a power exchange, is it not?

Most Tantra is not about what the end result is either. It is the experience as a whole, a combination of all parts being, maybe even greater than, the whole and end result. Sound familiar yet? Rather than racing toward orgasm, much is about the denial of it. Enjoying the slowing down process, savoring each moment of closeness and clarity and recognising the experience as a whole instead of by its parts, i.e., The foreplay, the build up, the orgasm, mostly in that order, although you can change that if you wanted to. Therefore the orgasm becomes much less of a “goal”, as you start to recognize the true validity of each feeling and stage as it comes to pass. Ironically, and wonderfully, this can actually lead to longer, more intense orgasms when they finally happen, and who doesn’t want that?!

So, Tantra is just as personal and translated differently by each person as BDSM is. As I said, I could go on in great detail and length, so if anyone has any questions about any of this, I would be more than happy to discuss it with you. I have many references, and much personal experience, but by no means am I an “expert”. I freely admit that I am still learning. That is the beauty of it though. You could keep it as simple as I have here for this article, or you can do your own research that leads you deeper into ancient realms of wisdom, including sexual wisdom, that include the Chakras and Kundalini energy, and other means of enlightening consciousness, but that is entirely up to you. All I hope is that I have successfully encouraged you to open your mind a little more, and maybe even lessen any prejudice that might be lingering. After all, I like to think most of us in the lifestyle know what being judged feels like. Sometimes it is easy to forget though, and we judge others still. I still hear it in the way I have heard (even myself!) talk about “vanilla” lifestyles. Above all I would like to re-iterate, there is no right or wrong. It ALL comes together in the end, in a great play of Yin and Yang.

P.S. A word of caution for the reader: If you do start your own exploration of this, and want to find a class, or teacher, or other such guide, make sure you do your research about the place/person you are going to, up to and definitely including personal references from other clients and business reviews. STAY SAFE during your exploring!