The ABC’s of Kink and Abuse

The ABC’s of Kink and Abuse written by silverdreams

personal_responsibility_areaPersonal responsibility and obligation is a difficult topic to write about. It differs for each of us. Trying to find a balance between each individual’s personal responsibility and the obligation we owe to each other within a community is like walking a tightrope- focus too much on personal responsibility and we risk “blaming the victim”; focus more on community obligation and we risk blaming the community for the actions of a few. We each have our comfort levels. We each have what we’re willing to believe. And we each know how much we want to pretend that all of the questions we ask will have answers.

Nevertheless, I believe that both personal responsibility and the community’s obligation towards others is the first line of defense in combating abusive behavior within the BDSM scene. Continue reading

Negotiating A 24/7 BDSM Relationship

Author: Raven Shadowborne © March 1, 1999

247-reference-servicesFor everyone, what constitutes a 24/7 relationships differs, like everything else in BDSM. The definition of a 24/7 relationship is simply a relationship where the people involved live with one another on a daily basis. A BDSM 24/7 is easiest if explained as a vanilla live-in relationship, with the added knowledge of who is in charge and the priority of placing that person first and feeling content with the relationship arranged that way. In other words, a power exchange from one partner (at least) to another. Be that exchange a dominant/submissive one or that of a master/slave arrangement, or even just during sexual encounters. In my opinion, if a power exchange exists in the relationship (inside or out of the bedroom) it qualifies under the term BDSM.

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The Reality of BDSM

Topmusicablog_RihannaSMVideoBondage, S&M and BDSM are all terms that get thrown around with ever-increasing regularity but what does any of it really mean? In recent years this ‘alternative’ lifestyle has been thrust into pop culture limelight without any real discussion of what it actually is. Suddenly, activities that were previously only conducted in secret corners have been wailed about in pop songs and misrepresented in works of fiction. As such, maybe the best place to begin getting a feel for BDSM (pun intended) is to figure out what it’s not.

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BDSM Basics: 20 Unsolicited Tips for New Dominants

Tips for New Dominants

tumblr_msvfvfwtbr1spnw4xo2_5001. You will fuck up

New Dominants WILL make mistakes. It’s a fact of life. To be fair, experienced Dominants will make mistakes. Intermediate Dominants will make mistakes. If you are a Dominant or think you want to be a Dominant, you will make a mistake.

Accept it and move on.

The only thing that makes a mistake worse is not learning from them. Use them as opportunities to grow and learn. Talk to people about them. Figure out what went wrong then incorporate that and try not to do it again.

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BDSM Basics: How to Find a Kinky Partner in 10 Steps

tumblr_mr5wbcFjyQ1swo0q8o1_400You’re probably expecting a super short list of easy-to-do tasks like “Sign up for FetLife” or “Wear more leather!”, but sorry to break it to you, finding a kinky partner is probably just as hard, if not harder, than finding a vanilla one.

For one, finding a kinky partner means finding someone that shares your common interests, that you enjoy spending time with, and also doesn’t mind calling you a slut from time to time. Whereas, finding a vanilla partner can be as simple as walking into the nearest club or bar and turning on the charm (ok, so maybe that’s a little over-simplified).

But finding that perfect blend of kinky and acceptable mate material can be a difficult job so we’re going to give you some pointers on how to find that special someone who is willing to slap your ass AND cuddle with you on the couch!

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Shocking Tips to Electrosex Stimulation

Most people have played with some kind of vibrator. Do you remember the first time you applied one (or had one applied) to your genitals? Felt pretty good didn’t it? At the least, it was something new and different. Electrostimulation is a lot like that only even more unique. It’s a wonderful way to add some new fun to your sex life. The proper electric current causes both the stimulation of nerve endings and involuntary muscle stimulation. Both of these effects can be combined for a very erotic experience. Some people also use electrostimulation for S&M play. It’s an excellent way to explore the pleasure/pain boundary without the usual risks of damage or lasting pain to the body. It can be precisely controlled and when it’s over, the one submitting to the stimulation is none the worse for the experience (something that cannot be said for most kinds of S&M play).

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To Subspace, Sub-drop, and Beyond!

The term subspace is often used in D/s conversation, for describing the ‘high’ a submissive can feel during a scene. Simply put, the experience of intense pain, and/or pleasure can trigger a nervous system-wide response with a release of chemicals including endorphins, enkephalins, and epinephrine from different areas of your brain. These are the body’s natural pain killers, in reality, our body’s very survival instincts kicking in.

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Anal Advice: Prostate Play

ASI received a fan question from a male who seemed ashamed to ask his female partner to repeat a few anal tricks on him and he wasn’t sure how to approach it with her in the future. I can definitely understand where he was coming from, but I also felt kind of bad. It is extremely unfortunate that in our society prostate and male anal play is seen with such a negative stereotype and it’s seen that way because of the stigma that surrounds being a homosexual male. As someone who fully supports trans* and gay rights, it makes me extremely sad to see this unfair stigma effecting what should be a very healthy sexual activity between consenting adults. Continue reading

BDSM Basics: Caring For Your Toys

After diving head first (as most of us do) into the world of BDSM we generally start to feel comfortable enough to purchase a few “toys”, then a few more, and a few more, and just a couple more.. until we have a collection that needs its own hiding space in the back of the closet. Sure, these toys are plenty of fun, but do you know how to properly take care of them? Continue reading

The Good Girl’s Guide to Domination

This is a PREVIEW article written by Akasha. To read the other chapters, visit her website. COPYRIGHT 2003, 2005 Akasha@Akashaweb.com

“I believe that many women are intimidated by and uncomfortable with the concept of erotic female domination because of the way they see it portrayed in adult films and in the media. I believe that men also develop many bad habits after years of satisfying their fantasies on their own, and focusing on their own pleasure. Through communication, trust and safe, sane & consensual exploration of erotic power exchange, I think many couples can experience pleasure they never imagined, and also develop better relationship communication and intimacy.” Continue reading