If you don’t know by know, at ASI we put a lot of emphasis on safety, especially when it comes to finally taking that step and opening yourself up to someone. Unfortunately, I’ve seen so many of my friends in the community hurt by the partners they have chosen, no matter how many resources or words of advice we are able to give them.
In the end, even if you have the best of the best tools available, only you can really decide who is right for you in your D/s relationship and sometimes that may mean learning a lesson the hard way. Sometimes, that is the only way we can learn, but that does not mean it has to be the end of your submissiveness (or Dominance). But you do have to learn to trust again and, depending on the severity of the betrayal, you may have to learn who you are as a submissive (or Dominant) again.
Over the past 18+ months ASI has helped hundreds, if not thousands, of people discover who they are within the bondage community. We get many different degrees of “kinky” people that contact us with questions regarding their specific kinks and that gives me the wonderful opportunity to expand my knowledge on lesser known fetishes and bondage practices. It’s a great experience to be able to look at something and say “Hey, it’s interesting that someone finds that attractive, but I don’t think it’s for me.”
The term ‘Acid Test’ is an old prospecting term. A powerful acid can dissolve most base metals in a matter of minutes. Gold however, will stand up to most acids. The ‘Acid Test’ was an easy way for people to make sure they had a real nugget of gold and not a lump of the ‘fool’s’ variety. In the same way, these tests are meant to be quick ways to identify fake Doms. Passing all these tests is no guarantee either. There is no replacement for getting to know your prospective partner as well as possible BEFORE YOU EVEN MEET IN PERSON. Most of these tests are designed for a submissive female trying to sort through men claiming to be Doms online. They are largely based on the many questions I get asked by my female friends still searching for a Dominant partner. Some of them can probably be used by male subs as well, but for the most part, these tests are best for ferreting out male fakes. Vanilla males are usually after ‘easy sex’ and this motive makes them easier to identify than a lot of the fake Doms out there.
Novos dominantes VÃO cometer erros. É um fato da vida. Para ser justa, Dominantes experientes vão cometer erros. Dominantes Intermediários vão cometer erros. Se você é um Dominante ou pensa em ser um Dominante, você vai cometer erros.
Aceite e siga em frente.
A única coisa que torna um erro pior é não aprender através deles. Use-os como uma oportunidade de crescer e aprender. Converse com pessoas sobre os erros. Descubra o que aconteceu de errado então nessa linha de pensamento não tente não cometer o mesmo erro novamente.
Se você agir como que tudo o que você faz é perfeito e sem falhas, então você é um idiota e qualquer um que fizer alguma “play” ou se submeter a você também será um idiota. Pois ninguém é perfeito. Entretanto o que podemos fazer é tentar aprender com nossos erros e melhorar as nossas habilidades.
When anyone think of submitting to another, the first thought to the vanilla mind is ‘doormat’. One who can not speak up for themselves. This obviously isn’t true, at least in most D/s relationships. There are those small few that lose touch of course, but overall, the communication and trust within these unions are paramount. So when the very idea of showing care to your Dom/me can seem daunting if not downright impossible to a submissive.
If you want to explore bondage, you need to have some knowledge of bondage knots. You can accomplish safe and effective bondage just a few knots. In a future post, I will show you more advanced, prettier knots for more “showy” bondage, but first things first.