This is my personal story about how discovering and learning about BDSM helped my husband and me come to an important understanding within our marriage, as well as guided me to a place in my life where I am now comfortable with my body and who I am as a person. This is the journey from a vanilla marriage that was quickly falling apart to a 24/7 D/s lifestyle that has helped us become closer than ever. Continue reading →
There are lots of reasons you are checking out this emergency post…
Perhaps you are a sub who played real time with a Dom/me who was lousy at aftercare. Or you are a dominant or a switch who played with a sub who didn’t realize tops need aftercare as well. Perhaps you have an online Master who doesn’t think aftercare is required after online play – you on the other hand know from prior play experience that you need aftercare, and also sometimes experience subdrop. Or perhaps your normally supportive and experienced Mistress is unable to fulfill their usual “special time” due to unforseen real life commitments.
“I am new to the community and I have never been with a Dom male as a submissive, I have never been a sub nor have I had any experience with spankings, floggings, paddles, I fantasize about everything bdsm a few things turn me on how should I go abouts finding a Dom, and or if I should experience first before looking for a Dom? thanks for the responses”
Answer: If you’re interested, but have never tried anything.. then do a lot of research FIRST. Having a better understanding of the culture and activities will give you an advantage when you finally do start looking for a partner. It will also make you more comfortable talking about it and you will know more about what you like and dislike. Subfrenzy, or jumping right in, can be dangerous if you don’t know what you are doing.. so look online for BDSM information or education, check out or buy a couple books, maybe even go to a munch or two to get into the local community. Some local dungeons also do beginner or safety courses that could be useful too! Good luck! ~Jessi~
Pain play seems to be something that is increasingly prominent within the BDSM culture and without the distinction that it isn’t necessarily expected of everyone. But with the media focusing on sadism so heavily within the BDSM community I find that most believe when they are starting out that it is something they will have to endure in order to be involved in a D/s relationship. Continue reading →
Something that I’m encountering with alarmingly increasing regularity is the excusing of abusive behavior under the guise of BDSM. I have recently come in contact with a number of women who have described to me vicious scenarios of untempered abuse at the hands of their Dominant. Threats of being left, accusations of not being a ‘real sub’ and many other tactics are used by the perpetrator to force the submissive to go beyond their hard limit boundaries or to endure much more pain, degradation, or humiliation than is reasonable. I’d like to pause here a moment to explain that, though it has been female submissives sharing their stories with me, this isn’t something that is at all bound by gender. Males can be, and often are, victims of the same abuses that females are subjected to. This is especially true within the dynamic of Domination/submission (D/s) because a much deeper level of trust is engendered, as well as the element of perceived control, versus a vanilla relationship.
1.YOU are in charge of your own safety and happiness.
Although this is a power-exchange type of world, you do not give up your rights as a human being (unless that’s something you have negotiated) and ultimately the choice to remain in an unsafe or miserable situation is your own.
Not only do I adamantly identify as a switch, I mostly only play with other switches. And because of my hardcore switchery, I’ve had several people recently ask me for a good rebuttal to the “switches aren’t real” nonsense that gets floated around. So here goes.