Multiple Submissives

multiplesubmissives
Fan Question:“Can a master have more than one sub? Or is this just some thing that is frowned upon in the bdsm world ?”There are many Masters that have more than one sub. And also who have subs in varying stages. From consideration, subs in training, full time subs, long distance subs, all the way up to slaves. Some Masters have sexual connotations with all of their subs. Others are only sexual with certain subs. Its definitely not anything frowned upon as long as all of it is honest safe and consensual.

BDSM and Marriage

bdsmmarriag

Fan Question: “I have been with my husband foe a long time and love him dearly. I have been on a dom/sub relationship before and feel the need to do this again. I have tried several things with hubby but it just doesn’t do anything for him.I feel the need every day to have this the desire for a dom consumes me. Should I look for an external relationship to satisfy this. I don’t want to leave hubby but our marriage doesn’t satisfy me anymore.”

It sounds like you really need to put it out there and communicate your needs with your husband. Talk to him about what it means to you and how you feel you can negotiate it. You can even try to go over our BDSM Checklist with him and see if anything strikes his interest. However, if it’s not interested, then he’s not interested and you’ll have to make a decision on what to do next. I would never suggest cheating, but perhaps an open relationship between the you and your husband would be a better fit.. or maybe even suggest a Poly relationship.

Showing Off My Collar?

“I get collared next week, right before my birthday. I am so excited and I just want to tell everyone ! But it’s a pretty risque subject. A few of my friends know about my BDSM relationship, and my Master has required me to wear my collar and leash around some friends as a punishment. I know I’m going to show it off once I get it, but I’m afraid that some people won’t understand how our relationship works. Any advice ?”

You don’t HAVE to explain it to anyone unless you want to. If they ask why you’re wearing it, then just tell them it’s special to you or that it represents something important. No need to go into details unless you want to or unless they mention something specific about collaring and BDSM.. then feel free to talk about it as much as you want to! If you want to show it off when you are wearing it, then be prepared to meet some negative remarks. If someone says they don’t understand why you’d want to wear a collar, you can compare it to wearing a wedding ring if you want, or a promise ring or any other important jewelry a significant other would gift you. It’s special because it represents your relationship.

The Price of Pleasure: A Sex Toy Poll

Lg_bad-credit-and-romance

While doing research for ASI’s upcoming projects and affiliations I was disappointed to find that there is little information available on the PRICE we pay for our sexual pleasure.

Personally, I’ve never spent over $100 for a toy.. and the toy that came the closest to that number is probably my favorite. Daddy has purchased cheap toys from “specialty stores”, but they turned out to pretty much be junk, burning out in a few days or just being unable to hit the sweet spot.

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Abusive Past

Question:

“i’ve been a sub for a little over a year. my last Dom didn’t listen to the safety word or even when i said stop and didn’t give any aftercare. being a sub has opened a passionate side of me i thought would never appear but i’m afraid to get another bad Dom. if you have any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated.”

First off I want to say that I’m sorry you had to go through that. It is unfortunate that some people think that being a Dom means they abuse their submissives. I know it will probably take a lot of trust on your part to be able to take the “gamble” and enter into another D/s relationship, so take your time to heal and learn what you want to get out of your next relationships first. We have several articles on our website that deal with abuse and BDSM, so please feel free to go through these results and I hope they will help you out. Also, we have a sister page, The Safe Submissive, that posts more about safety issues and abuse within the community and several groups on different social sites if you need any support.

Poll Results: Pleasure, Pain, and Science

While not hugely successful,  we did get about 100 votes on the poll, so that does at least make it an easy number to work with! I have had a lot of fun putting this together in the last couple of weeks. Let me begin by thanking our readers for participating, because of your help, my ‘theoretical’ fourth part was able to become reality, so I really couldn’t have done it without you! Now, onto the results!

painscale

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The Good Girl’s Guide to Domination

This is a PREVIEW article written by Akasha. To read the other chapters, visit her website. COPYRIGHT 2003, 2005 Akasha@Akashaweb.com

“I believe that many women are intimidated by and uncomfortable with the concept of erotic female domination because of the way they see it portrayed in adult films and in the media. I believe that men also develop many bad habits after years of satisfying their fantasies on their own, and focusing on their own pleasure. Through communication, trust and safe, sane & consensual exploration of erotic power exchange, I think many couples can experience pleasure they never imagined, and also develop better relationship communication and intimacy.” Continue reading

Poll Results Are In! (Pleasure, Pain, and Science)

Our website has moved! Please check out this article on our new, independent website!

 

While not hugely successful,  we did get about 100 votes on the poll, so that does at least make it an easy number to work with! I have had a lot of fun putting this together in the last couple of weeks. Let me begin by thanking our readers for participating, because of your help, my ‘theoretical’ fourth part was able to become reality, so I really couldn’t have done it without you! Now, onto the results!

painscale

For the ‘yes or no’ question about making a consistent, conscious effort to raise your pain threshold being important to you or not, a resounding 70% of us said ‘Yes!’

50% of us say we would tell our partners to stop what they were doing between 8, 9 , and 10, with 8 being ‘much more pain than pleasure’, and 10 being no pleasure at all, only pain! We really do like it rough!

In question one, I asked about your pain threshold in regard to what you say it was during your first BDSM experience involving pain. 6 and 7, respectively, were the most popular answers. In the second question, I asked where you consider your threshold to be right now, at this moment, and 8 and 7 were the most popular, respectively.  It turns out 56 of us were at a ‘5 or under’  on the ‘pain subjectiveness’ scale when we started, and only 28 of us now consider ourselves to be at a 5 or under. So, roughly a little more than 25% of us seem to have had a significant increase in our pain threshold, while 70% of us make an effort to raise it. Are we doing anything wrong? I highly doubt it. There wasn’t any way for me to work in more variables, such as, ‘how long you have been in the lifestyle to begin with’, and, ‘do you participate regularly in sessions involving pain’, as I think this would have allowed for explanations as to why or why not our pain threshold is stagnant or growing. I think also, it may be likely that those in long term relationships with their partners might have an ‘easier time’, if you will, working on their pain thresholds, on account of things like experience with one person regularly, and just being plain comfortable enough to be able to ‘let go’. That is just my opinion though, and I wish I could have included things like that.  Maybe PollDaddy will add some new formats and features or something, and I may be able to do it in the future.

This may raise more questions than answer them, and I suppose any scientific study worth its weight garners more questions than answers at the end, haha! Within those results, however, is something to be proud of I think. Since 7 and 8 were the most popular answers for ‘right now’ thresholds, and most of us have to ‘stop’ at 8, 9, or 10, this means we are, in fact being very open and honest with our communication in regards to how much pain we can bear. Good for us for living up to our own standards and practicing what we preach! Now, go give yourself a nice pat on the back……..or a flogging, whatever you prefer, since its all just subjective anyhow…..

If your interested in the research that brought this piece to its conclusion, just read  these first two articles about Pleasure, Pain, and Science. The poll is actually still open, so it might be fun to see if it evolves over time and any averages change. Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!

Part One

https://asubmissivesinitiative.wordpress.com/2013/07/21/pleasure-pain-and-science-part-one/

Part Two

https://asubmissivesinitiative.wordpress.com/2013/07/23/pleasure-pain-and-science-part-two/

The Poll (part 3)

https://asubmissivesinitiative.wordpress.com/2013/07/27/poll-one-the-subjectiveness-of-it-all/

My Dom is Ignoring Me!

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Fan Question:

“I am at the end of my rope and don’t know where to turn now.. I have been with my partner for 3 years now but or relationship seems to be at a standstill if not dissolving. I am a lost slave so to speak.. My partner is a Master however he has never collared me which is causing its own issues for me mentally and emotionally. My problem is that I have tried to express my needs and desires to him in various ways all ending in failure. My latest efforts ended with him calling me an ingrate for disagreeing that it should all be my responsibility to get attention I am craving. I often feel he isn’t interested in me anymore making it hard to dress up for him or even get close to him I feel rejected. I have gone so long without my needs being met that I have become somewhat of a brat which he is blanking for his lack of interest. I just don’t know what to do anymore I feel so lost without having aspects of feeling owned and loved. Any advise could help at this point I really an at my wits end with how to even communicate my needs anymore….”

 

Answer:

I’m sorry that you are feeling this way. My advice would be to let him know that you are feeling helpless about his lack attention and that it is something you feel you need in order to continue in this relationship. If he keeps ignoring your attempts without any sort of recognition or compromise, then maybe it’s time to ask for release and find someone who is more attentive and respectful. A proper Dom should be open to listening to his sub/slave. Not that they will always get their way, but communication is a big part of creating a healthy relationship! And it has to go both ways.

Letting Go

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Fan Question:

“I need some advice. I have always been in control. I gave up that control to my Master/boyfriend and sometimes have a hard time letting it go. I can be a bit of a brat and I don’t want to disappoint him. What can I do to let go of the control?”

Answer:

Being a brat isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It just depends on when you are a brat and the reasons behind the brattiness. For some Dominants it can be an endearing quality, but you have to remember that being demanding and argumentative are not likable characteristics for any submissive and honestly goes against what being a submissive is.

If you feel a bratty moment coming a long, tell your Dom! Just say I really feel ____ or I’d like to really ____ right now. Being honest is part of developing a healthy relationship and is absolutely necessary for making a BDSM relationship work. Communication can go a long way, so let him/her know you are struggling with this aspect. That way they can recognize when you are struggling and try to help you through it. It’s a Dominant’s job to guide you, so let them help!

You can also start a journal to keep track of your bratty moments. Think about what triggered the feeling, what helped you calm down or what pushed you over the edge, and ways you can handle future issues.

Good luck!