Pregnancy & BDSM

pregnantbdsm



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Written by Delilah Night. Republished with exclusive permission.

This is an article I wrote to address an absence of information surrounding the topic of Pregnant BDSM.  I was approximately 8 weeks from finishing my first successful pregnancy, and when I choose to become pregnant again, I hope that I’m in a position to revise and edit this further.

This was an article that was challenging to write.  I am not an expert, nor am I pro domme, a doctor, a midwife, or anything other than a kinky woman who while pregnant wanted to safely continue practicing BDSM.  I searched the web for advice as to what was safe at which point in the pregnancy and found a vacuum, rather than solid advice.  Due to that dearth of information, I decided to present my findings and my experiences for public consumption.

I got my information through exhaustive querying of the internet, doctors, nurses, EMT’s, Kinksters who are also parents that I met at lifestyle events, pro-dommes, presenters at Dark Odyssey 2008 and Floating World 2008, and anyone who I thought might know anything about the topic.  I made a lot of people embarrassed, but slowly I gained information, found practices that I felt safe engaging in, some new practices to try, and met a lot of cool people (and squicked a few people as well).

***************Disclaimer***********************

This is by no means a comprehensive discussion and you should do research on your own and discuss with your partner what boundaries and lines YOU are comfortable with.  I am not a medical professional, and I take no responsibility or liability for results of activities discussed herein.

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Top 10 FAQ About Getting Involved in the BDSM Community

community

Every day at A Submissive’s Initiative™ we get countless messages and emails about how to get involved in BDSM and the community so I’ve decided to put together a handy list of our top 10 FAQ for easy reference. 

  1. How do I get my partner to do what I want? The quick answer? You don’t. You can’t just make someone like the same fetishes or even be comfortable with the slightest reference to bondage. You can, however, use open communication to help them understand why you think that BDSM is important and/or can help better your relationship.
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6 Ways to Ruin Your Submissive

Image courtesy of anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

By The Artful Dominant

A submissive doesn’t come with an instruction manual and there’s no such thing as a perfect dominant. You can read every lifestyle book you can get your hands on, talk to other Doms, and attend lifestyle workshops.  Yet you can still be left with a nagging feeling that you don’t always get it exactly right.

Perhaps you know lots of the DOs when it comes to the training and care of a submissive but have you ever wished you had a list of the DON’Ts? Even if you think you’re doing your best, sometimes it might not be enough. Take a look at this list of six sure-fire ways to spoil your submissive.

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Ten Great BDSM Gift Ideas

Purchasing a gift for a significant other can be a difficult task, so we’re here to make it a little easier for you! Check out these ten great BDSM gift ideas for your partner.

1.

Custom wooden gifts from BDSMCrafts.com. Above is a beautiful pegged dungeon gear organizer in style #4 with name & eyes, 60″ in clear finished oak and costs $89.00 (other styles available, prices vary)

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Encouraging Dominance Outside the Bedroom

pizap.com13883508209452Fan Question

“How do I get my SO of 5 years to be more dominant OUTSIDE of the bedroom? He is amazing behind closed doors, but that is it. I don’t know if I should do less for him, like maybe leave the house a bit of a mess once in awhile, but I need more from him in everyday life.”

IMO, intentionally disobeying or being bratty is never a good idea. You are better off openly discussing your issues and communicating with your partner about your desire for them to be more dominating outside the bedroom. However, I want to warn you that not all people are comfortable with transitioning the D/s aspect outside of the bedroom. You will have to talk with them and maybe come up with a few suggestions for things you can do daily as a submissive and that he can do as a Dominant.

A Lesson in Betrayal and a Call for Support

tumblr_mu57bwmM4w1qec0hto1_400If you don’t know by know, at ASI we put a lot of emphasis on safety, especially when it comes to finally taking that step and opening yourself up to someone. Unfortunately, I’ve seen so many of my friends in the community hurt by the partners they have chosen, no matter how many resources or words of advice we are able to give them.

In the end, even if you have the best of the best tools available, only you can really decide who is right for you in your D/s relationship and sometimes that may mean learning a lesson the hard way. Sometimes, that is the only way we can learn, but that does not mean it has to be the end of your submissiveness (or Dominance). But you do have to learn to trust again and, depending on the severity of the betrayal, you may have to learn who you are as a submissive (or Dominant) again.

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BDSM Basics: Male Dominant Acid Test (A Guide for New Submissives)

onlineloveThe term ‘Acid Test’ is an old prospecting term. A powerful acid can dissolve most base metals in a matter of minutes. Gold however, will stand up to most acids. The ‘Acid Test’ was an easy way for people to make sure they had a real nugget of gold and not a lump of the ‘fool’s’ variety. In the same way, these tests are meant to be quick ways to identify fake Doms. Passing all these tests is no guarantee either. There is no replacement for getting to know your prospective partner as well as possible BEFORE YOU EVEN MEET IN PERSON. Most of these tests are designed for a submissive female trying to sort through men claiming to be Doms online. They are largely based on the many questions I get asked by my female friends still searching for a Dominant partner. Some of them can probably be used by male subs as well, but for the most part, these tests are best for ferreting out male fakes. Vanilla males are usually after ‘easy sex’ and this motive makes them easier to identify than a lot of the fake Doms out there.

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The Reality of BDSM

Topmusicablog_RihannaSMVideoBondage, S&M and BDSM are all terms that get thrown around with ever-increasing regularity but what does any of it really mean? In recent years this ‘alternative’ lifestyle has been thrust into pop culture limelight without any real discussion of what it actually is. Suddenly, activities that were previously only conducted in secret corners have been wailed about in pop songs and misrepresented in works of fiction. As such, maybe the best place to begin getting a feel for BDSM (pun intended) is to figure out what it’s not.

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BDSM Basics: 20 Unsolicited Tips for New Dominants

Tips for New Dominants

tumblr_msvfvfwtbr1spnw4xo2_5001. You will fuck up

New Dominants WILL make mistakes. It’s a fact of life. To be fair, experienced Dominants will make mistakes. Intermediate Dominants will make mistakes. If you are a Dominant or think you want to be a Dominant, you will make a mistake.

Accept it and move on.

The only thing that makes a mistake worse is not learning from them. Use them as opportunities to grow and learn. Talk to people about them. Figure out what went wrong then incorporate that and try not to do it again.

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