“How do I know I’m a sub and not a dom?”
Here is a pretty detailed quiz you can take. Of course, you will be the only person who will really “know” and your role might change from when you first start. It will depend on your desires and your experiences.
“How do I get my SO of 5 years to be more dominant OUTSIDE of the bedroom? He is amazing behind closed doors, but that is it. I don’t know if I should do less for him, like maybe leave the house a bit of a mess once in awhile, but I need more from him in everyday life.”
IMO, intentionally disobeying or being bratty is never a good idea. You are better off openly discussing your issues and communicating with your partner about your desire for them to be more dominating outside the bedroom. However, I want to warn you that not all people are comfortable with transitioning the D/s aspect outside of the bedroom. You will have to talk with them and maybe come up with a few suggestions for things you can do daily as a submissive and that he can do as a Dominant.
Fan Question: “I have been with my husband foe a long time and love him dearly. I have been on a dom/sub relationship before and feel the need to do this again. I have tried several things with hubby but it just doesn’t do anything for him.I feel the need every day to have this the desire for a dom consumes me. Should I look for an external relationship to satisfy this. I don’t want to leave hubby but our marriage doesn’t satisfy me anymore.”
It sounds like you really need to put it out there and communicate your needs with your husband. Talk to him about what it means to you and how you feel you can negotiate it. You can even try to go over our BDSM Checklist with him and see if anything strikes his interest. However, if it’s not interested, then he’s not interested and you’ll have to make a decision on what to do next. I would never suggest cheating, but perhaps an open relationship between the you and your husband would be a better fit.. or maybe even suggest a Poly relationship.
“I get collared next week, right before my birthday. I am so excited and I just want to tell everyone ! But it’s a pretty risque subject. A few of my friends know about my BDSM relationship, and my Master has required me to wear my collar and leash around some friends as a punishment. I know I’m going to show it off once I get it, but I’m afraid that some people won’t understand how our relationship works. Any advice ?”
You don’t HAVE to explain it to anyone unless you want to. If they ask why you’re wearing it, then just tell them it’s special to you or that it represents something important. No need to go into details unless you want to or unless they mention something specific about collaring and BDSM.. then feel free to talk about it as much as you want to! If you want to show it off when you are wearing it, then be prepared to meet some negative remarks. If someone says they don’t understand why you’d want to wear a collar, you can compare it to wearing a wedding ring if you want, or a promise ring or any other important jewelry a significant other would gift you. It’s special because it represents your relationship.
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“I am at the end of my rope and don’t know where to turn now.. I have been with my partner for 3 years now but or relationship seems to be at a standstill if not dissolving. I am a lost slave so to speak.. My partner is a Master however he has never collared me which is causing its own issues for me mentally and emotionally. My problem is that I have tried to express my needs and desires to him in various ways all ending in failure. My latest efforts ended with him calling me an ingrate for disagreeing that it should all be my responsibility to get attention I am craving. I often feel he isn’t interested in me anymore making it hard to dress up for him or even get close to him I feel rejected. I have gone so long without my needs being met that I have become somewhat of a brat which he is blanking for his lack of interest. I just don’t know what to do anymore I feel so lost without having aspects of feeling owned and loved. Any advise could help at this point I really an at my wits end with how to even communicate my needs anymore….”
I’m sorry that you are feeling this way. My advice would be to let him know that you are feeling helpless about his lack attention and that it is something you feel you need in order to continue in this relationship. If he keeps ignoring your attempts without any sort of recognition or compromise, then maybe it’s time to ask for release and find someone who is more attentive and respectful. A proper Dom should be open to listening to his sub/slave. Not that they will always get their way, but communication is a big part of creating a healthy relationship! And it has to go both ways.