Negotiating A 24/7 BDSM Relationship

Author: Raven Shadowborne © March 1, 1999

247-reference-servicesFor everyone, what constitutes a 24/7 relationships differs, like everything else in BDSM. The definition of a 24/7 relationship is simply a relationship where the people involved live with one another on a daily basis. A BDSM 24/7 is easiest if explained as a vanilla live-in relationship, with the added knowledge of who is in charge and the priority of placing that person first and feeling content with the relationship arranged that way. In other words, a power exchange from one partner (at least) to another. Be that exchange a dominant/submissive one or that of a master/slave arrangement, or even just during sexual encounters. In my opinion, if a power exchange exists in the relationship (inside or out of the bedroom) it qualifies under the term BDSM.

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To Domspace, Dom-drop and Beyond!

Also sometimes referred to as ‘Top-space’ and ‘Top-drop’, you don’t hear about Domspace and Dom-drop as often as you do subspace and sub-drop. Why not? There are some speculative reasons, as I will call them. For starters, society mostly still praises gender defined rolls, and the hype is that since men don’t talk about their feelings much, and since most men in BDSM must be Doms, then…..Wrong! Anyone who is in the lifestyle in a serious educated manner can squash that pretty quickly. Another speculation, often heard from subs who are just starting their exploration, is that Doms must somehow be impervious to giving into their feelings because they seem so in control all the time, after all, they are dominant, right? Make no mistake, this thought is not usually perpetuated by insensitivity to another’s needs, but rather by a higher experience level Dom with a beginner sub, who in the findings of their new lifestyle, often see their Doms as being ‘Invincible’ when caught up in it. The Dom naturally takes his position, caring for the sub and their needs and ‘education’ as it were, to his specifications and their agreed upon situations. Sadly, I cannot seem to find any scientific information, studies, or otherwise that seem totally reliable on these subjects. I did find many, many blogs, articles and personal stories from all level of experience, and will use that information to the best of my ability to hopefully give you some relevant and helpful information.

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Free BDSM Checklist Downloads

Our website has moved! Please check out this article on our new, independent website! (view this link for our FREE Checklist Downloads!)

 

Since the start of ASI we’ve always suggested the first step to talking to your partner about BDSM is going over our BDSM checklist. It’s a great way to break the ice, introduce new ideas and begin an open discussion about your desires.

Our list is extensive and over the past 10 months it has grown quite a bit! We’ve put a lot of work into creating this list and if you ever have questions about some of the terms, you are welcome to contact us.

We decided to transfer our original checklist into a handy printable Word document and an easy to read PDF file. It is condensed down to 8 pages with two columns per page (to reduce pages used when printing). If you ever have a question about the list, you can always contact us.

Remember, our checklist will always be free. You’ll never be charged to download it, so feel free to download it now… or later!

checklist

What can a Contract do for You?

contract1Our website has moved! Please check out this article on our new, independent website!

 

I have been reading a bit about things like contracts, stipulations, and protocol within a BDSM relationship. These seem to be more common in D/s relationships, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t make use of some part of them, no matter what your relationship status.  First, I would like to make sure everyone knows what, exactly, the subtle differences are between those three words.

(as simply defined by a Bing search) Continue reading

No Limits?

Fan Questions: “I recently meet sumone and he said there’s no limits. This will actually be my first time being his submissive should there be any limits.?”

Answer: YES! There should ALWAYS be limits! Everyone has a breaking point and you should always negotiate what your hard and soft limits are. Discuss everything with a potential partner before you play with them. Here is a great negotiation form to start with: http://www.bdsm-education.com/negotiation.html

I also want to add that if ANY dom(me) tries to tell you that there are no limits, that you aren’t allowed to have a safeword or that you can’t have a safe call or buddy at a first meeting.. they are deliberately taking advantage of you and they do not deserve the title “Dom(me)”.