Pregnancy & BDSM

pregnantbdsm



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Written by Delilah Night. Republished with exclusive permission.

This is an article I wrote to address an absence of information surrounding the topic of Pregnant BDSM.  I was approximately 8 weeks from finishing my first successful pregnancy, and when I choose to become pregnant again, I hope that I’m in a position to revise and edit this further.

This was an article that was challenging to write.  I am not an expert, nor am I pro domme, a doctor, a midwife, or anything other than a kinky woman who while pregnant wanted to safely continue practicing BDSM.  I searched the web for advice as to what was safe at which point in the pregnancy and found a vacuum, rather than solid advice.  Due to that dearth of information, I decided to present my findings and my experiences for public consumption.

I got my information through exhaustive querying of the internet, doctors, nurses, EMT’s, Kinksters who are also parents that I met at lifestyle events, pro-dommes, presenters at Dark Odyssey 2008 and Floating World 2008, and anyone who I thought might know anything about the topic.  I made a lot of people embarrassed, but slowly I gained information, found practices that I felt safe engaging in, some new practices to try, and met a lot of cool people (and squicked a few people as well).

***************Disclaimer***********************

This is by no means a comprehensive discussion and you should do research on your own and discuss with your partner what boundaries and lines YOU are comfortable with.  I am not a medical professional, and I take no responsibility or liability for results of activities discussed herein.

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BDSM and How to Bring it to Life in your Vanilla Marriage

janet-blair-hairbrush-spanked-in-fuller-brush-man

BDSM and D/s relationships have been in existence for as long as there have been relationships! In fact, back in the 1950s it wasn’t uncommon to see ads depicting husbands spanking their wives over their laps. Of course over time, images and even the prospect of these acts happening in the home were deemed sexist and demeaning. Couples living the lifestyle went into hiding for fear of being seen as deviant and possibly locked up for such reasons.

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6 Ways to Ruin Your Submissive

Image courtesy of anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

By The Artful Dominant

A submissive doesn’t come with an instruction manual and there’s no such thing as a perfect dominant. You can read every lifestyle book you can get your hands on, talk to other Doms, and attend lifestyle workshops.  Yet you can still be left with a nagging feeling that you don’t always get it exactly right.

Perhaps you know lots of the DOs when it comes to the training and care of a submissive but have you ever wished you had a list of the DON’Ts? Even if you think you’re doing your best, sometimes it might not be enough. Take a look at this list of six sure-fire ways to spoil your submissive.

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No Longer a Mental Disorder!

shirta.com

shirta.com

For those of you who haven’t heard, this past June, the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom(NCSF) announced on their website that BDSM is no longer considered a mental disorder, which means it will no longer show up in the DSM-5, the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders which is compiled by the American Psychiatric Association. This is great news for anyone who practices any form of the lifestyle because a long time stigma of people who participate in the lifestyle are mentally ill has officially been removed. Let me give you a bit of history about BDSM and the DSM.

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BDSM Basics: Impact Play Safe Zones and Spanking Tips

spankingzones

 

Green = Safe Zones

Yellow = risk zones

Use caution when directly hitting these area or how frequently you hit these areas.

Red = Danger areas

Avoid direct hits to these areas.

Purple circles = Critical Areas

In no event shall these areas receive direct blows or sustain any direct or prolonged pressure. These areas are key to blood circulation, nervous or major joints.

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A Lesson in Betrayal and a Call for Support

tumblr_mu57bwmM4w1qec0hto1_400If you don’t know by know, at ASI we put a lot of emphasis on safety, especially when it comes to finally taking that step and opening yourself up to someone. Unfortunately, I’ve seen so many of my friends in the community hurt by the partners they have chosen, no matter how many resources or words of advice we are able to give them.

In the end, even if you have the best of the best tools available, only you can really decide who is right for you in your D/s relationship and sometimes that may mean learning a lesson the hard way. Sometimes, that is the only way we can learn, but that does not mean it has to be the end of your submissiveness (or Dominance). But you do have to learn to trust again and, depending on the severity of the betrayal, you may have to learn who you are as a submissive (or Dominant) again.

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Am I Kinky Enough? (Your Kink Is Not My Kink and That’s Okay)

img-thingOver the past 18+ months ASI has helped hundreds, if not thousands, of people discover who they are within the bondage community. We get many different degrees of “kinky” people that contact us with questions regarding their specific kinks and that gives me the wonderful opportunity to expand my knowledge on lesser known fetishes and bondage practices. It’s a great experience to be able to look at something and say “Hey, it’s interesting that someone finds that attractive, but I don’t think it’s for me.”

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BDSM Basics: Male Dominant Acid Test (A Guide for New Submissives)

onlineloveThe term ‘Acid Test’ is an old prospecting term. A powerful acid can dissolve most base metals in a matter of minutes. Gold however, will stand up to most acids. The ‘Acid Test’ was an easy way for people to make sure they had a real nugget of gold and not a lump of the ‘fool’s’ variety. In the same way, these tests are meant to be quick ways to identify fake Doms. Passing all these tests is no guarantee either. There is no replacement for getting to know your prospective partner as well as possible BEFORE YOU EVEN MEET IN PERSON. Most of these tests are designed for a submissive female trying to sort through men claiming to be Doms online. They are largely based on the many questions I get asked by my female friends still searching for a Dominant partner. Some of them can probably be used by male subs as well, but for the most part, these tests are best for ferreting out male fakes. Vanilla males are usually after ‘easy sex’ and this motive makes them easier to identify than a lot of the fake Doms out there.

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How to Care: Doing it the Submissive Way

When anyone think of submitting to another, the first thought to the vanilla mind is ‘doormat’. One who can not speak up for themselves. This obviously isn’t true, at least in most D/s relationships. There are those small few that lose touch of course, but overall, the communication and trust within these unions are paramount. So when the very idea of showing care to your Dom/me can seem daunting if not downright impossible to a submissive.

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