You’re probably expecting a super short list of easy-to-do tasks like “Sign up for FetLife” or “Wear more leather!”, but sorry to break it to you, finding a kinky partner is probably just as hard, if not harder, than finding a vanilla one.
For one, finding a kinky partner means finding someone that shares your common interests, that you enjoy spending time with, and also doesn’t mind calling you a slut from time to time. Whereas, finding a vanilla partner can be as simple as walking into the nearest club or bar and turning on the charm (ok, so maybe that’s a little over-simplified).
But finding that perfect blend of kinky and acceptable mate material can be a difficult job so we’re going to give you some pointers on how to find that special someone who is willing to slap your ass AND cuddle with you on the couch!
Most people have played with some kind of vibrator. Do you remember the first time you applied one (or had one applied) to your genitals? Felt pretty good didn’t it? At the least, it was something new and different. Electrostimulation is a lot like that only even more unique. It’s a wonderful way to add some new fun to your sex life. The proper electric current causes both the stimulation of nerve endings and involuntary muscle stimulation. Both of these effects can be combined for a very erotic experience. Some people also use electrostimulation for S&M play. It’s an excellent way to explore the pleasure/pain boundary without the usual risks of damage or lasting pain to the body. It can be precisely controlled and when it’s over, the one submitting to the stimulation is none the worse for the experience (something that cannot be said for most kinds of S&M play).
Also sometimes referred to as ‘Top-space’ and ‘Top-drop’, you don’t hear about Domspace and Dom-drop as often as you do subspace and sub-drop. Why not? There are some speculative reasons, as I will call them. For starters, society mostly still praises gender defined rolls, and the hype is that since men don’t talk about their feelings much, and since most men in BDSM must be Doms, then…..Wrong! Anyone who is in the lifestyle in a serious educated manner can squash that pretty quickly. Another speculation, often heard from subs who are just starting their exploration, is that Doms must somehow be impervious to giving into their feelings because they seem so in control all the time, after all, they are dominant, right? Make no mistake, this thought is not usually perpetuated by insensitivity to another’s needs, but rather by a higher experience level Dom with a beginner sub, who in the findings of their new lifestyle, often see their Doms as being ‘Invincible’ when caught up in it. The Dom naturally takes his position, caring for the sub and their needs and ‘education’ as it were, to his specifications and their agreed upon situations. Sadly, I cannot seem to find any scientific information, studies, or otherwise that seem totally reliable on these subjects. I did find many, many blogs, articles and personal stories from all level of experience, and will use that information to the best of my ability to hopefully give you some relevant and helpful information.
The term subspace is often used in D/s conversation, for describing the ‘high’ a submissive can feel during a scene. Simply put, the experience of intense pain, and/or pleasure can trigger a nervous system-wide response with a release of chemicals including endorphins, enkephalins, and epinephrine from different areas of your brain. These are the body’s natural pain killers, in reality, our body’s very survival instincts kicking in.
ASI received a fan question from a male who seemed ashamed to ask his female partner to repeat a few anal tricks on him and he wasn’t sure how to approach it with her in the future. I can definitely understand where he was coming from, but I also felt kind of bad. It is extremely unfortunate that in our society prostate and male anal play is seen with such a negative stereotype and it’s seen that way because of the stigma that surrounds being a homosexual male. As someone who fully supports trans* and gay rights, it makes me extremely sad to see this unfair stigma effecting what should be a very healthy sexual activity between consenting adults. Continue reading →
After diving head first (as most of us do) into the world of BDSM we generally start to feel comfortable enough to purchase a few “toys”, then a few more, and a few more, and just a couple more.. until we have a collection that needs its own hiding space in the back of the closet. Sure, these toys are plenty of fun, but do you know how to properly take care of them? Continue reading →
“I believe that many women are intimidated by and uncomfortable with the concept of erotic female domination because of the way they see it portrayed in adult films and in the media. I believe that men also develop many bad habits after years of satisfying their fantasies on their own, and focusing on their own pleasure. Through communication, trust and safe, sane & consensual exploration of erotic power exchange, I think many couples can experience pleasure they never imagined, and also develop better relationship communication and intimacy.” Continue reading →
To be a Dominant, a true Dominant, is a hard job. Aside from the usual load of daily ‘Domhood’, a Dominant has to read His submissive. This is a very hard thing to do because how is one Man, whom from our submissive eyes is supposed to be this all knowing and in control person up on His pedestal, unable to just read us like a book? He has before, with a touch, a command. He’s shown that He knows you in how He treats you. So we assume its easy for Him to do so, to see through us because from the moment we became His, we think or believe somewhere deep within our minds that somehow He gained these magical ‘Dominant Powers’ that make Him everything He is when He is with us. He doesn’t and there isn’t. He is just a Man. A strong Man who can melt us with one glance and somehow bring out the best, or at least the desire to be our best, just for Him. Continue reading →
This is my personal story about how discovering and learning about BDSM helped my husband and me come to an important understanding within our marriage, as well as guided me to a place in my life where I am now comfortable with my body and who I am as a person. This is the journey from a vanilla marriage that was quickly falling apart to a 24/7 D/s lifestyle that has helped us become closer than ever. Continue reading →