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Question: my girlfriend has recently sort of ‘came out’ to me about really liking being dominated, she’s held this back from me for a year and a half or more because she was scared it would scare me away.
I’m a bit hurt that she thought so little of me since we’ve been together for 3 and a half years, but im holding that back because im really more interested in pleasing her.
but whenever i try to start a conversation about boundaries, likes, and dislikes she tuns into an “i dont know i guess” factory. i really want her to be happy because I’ve seen her going online to try to get people to talk dirty to her and it worries me that i can’t provide for her sexually. how can i get this ball rolling?
Answer: It sounds like she’s afraid to admit her desires to you and I can definitely relate to that.. it’s scary to admit those things to someone you are so emotionally attached to. We have a great BDSM checklist that we encourage all new couples to go over TOGETHER so they can get to know each other’s limits, desires and interests without having to really ‘bring up’ any specific fetish or kink. Just suggest going through the list with her and maybe start off by finding something on it YOU’RE interested in to make her feel more comfortable. Of course, there will be things you guys don’t feel the same about, but you can always reach a compromise about them and try things out together.