How to Get “the ball rolling”?

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Question: my girlfriend has recently sort of ‘came out’ to me about really liking being dominated, she’s held this back from me for a year and a half or more because she was scared it would scare me away.

I’m a bit hurt that she thought so little of me since we’ve been together for 3 and a half years, but im holding that back because im really more interested in pleasing her.

but whenever i try to start a conversation about boundaries, likes, and dislikes she tuns into an “i dont know i guess” factory. i really want her to be happy because I’ve seen her going online to try to get people to talk dirty to her and it worries me that i can’t provide for her sexually. how can i get this ball rolling?

Answer: It sounds like she’s afraid to admit her desires to you and I can definitely relate to that.. it’s scary to admit those things to someone you are so emotionally attached to. We have a great BDSM checklist  that we encourage all new couples to go over TOGETHER so they can get to know each other’s limits, desires and interests without having to really ‘bring up’ any specific fetish or kink. Just suggest going through the list with her and maybe start off by finding something on it YOU’RE interested in to make her feel more comfortable. Of course, there will be things you guys don’t feel the same about, but you can always reach a compromise about them and try things out together.

Discussing Desires

Fan Question: “I have a problem with talking to my master about fantasies that I have and things I really wanna try. I’m afraid my master will look at me differently or won’t be into it at all. Do you have any advice as to how I can open up to him a little easier?”

Answer: Hi , communication is a HUGE part of a D/s relationship and it is crucial that you both are open and honest with each other. Besides, what’s the point of being involved in BDSM if you aren’t able to express your desires and fantasies openly and freely? It might be best if you both sit down and have a serious discussion about what you both want out of your relationship. You can also go over our BDSM checklist together. It’s a pretty detailed list of fetishes that you guys can discuss together.