Abusive Past

Our website has moved! Please check out this article on our new, independent website!

Fan Question:
“Hi sorry to bother you im just looking for sum advice im new to the lable of a 24/7 submissive ive had a previous relationship where my submission was abused so now ive been extremely bad and been very bratty to the poin where my sir as questiond my submissiveness and he got extremely aggressive with me and told me I just wanna be dominated not submissive x it really hurts deep inside when I displease him x but he lost his temper sud I stay accept my punishment for being bad or as he crossed the line losing his temper with me x”

Answer: Everyone is allowed to lose their temper, and everyone is allowed to make mistakes. I think the main thing is where you guys go from here. I think the best thing is to sit down and have a good, open discussion (without pointing any blame) and talk about the facts. Where do you want your relationship to go? What can you both do to improve the communication, etc. He also has to understand (and you should tell him, if he doesn’t already know) about your past.. because that will change how you react and how you submit.. even if you don’t realize it. It’s a part of you.

Vanilla Men

Our website has moved! Please check out this article on our new, independent website!

 

Fan Question:

“Hiya! Can I ask some advice? Maybe also to the page page fans but I hope I can be anonymous…

A few months ago I have broken out of a 24/7 D/s, in a bdsm setting I’m submissive. It was my first D/s experience and the relationship lasted 18 months. At the moment I am single, not really looking for a new Dom/Daddy or maybe vanilla-ish partner but it looks like men smell I am single again, they come right at me. I am open about my orientation. What I see what happens is that men are interested in me, they say they are not into bdsm but I notice they think I’m kind of a sex freak (which maybe I will be to them) and they can do everything with me. Do more submissive single notice this? Maybe it has something to do with the 50 Shades hype? However, I don’t like it. There even was a man complaining I behaved not submissive to him and by the tone of his words I could hear he was disappointed although he did not tried to dominate me. He does not have a clou what bdsm is about, I don’t have to tell you that. Are there more single submissives have this kind of experience, vanilla men that are disappointed that you don’t submit to them? And do you also have the feeling vanilla men come after you because you are bdsm orientated?

How do you handle that? I don’t want to look for a D in the scene at the moment and some vanilla’s are quite nice and even into rough sex, which can open grounds for maybe some bdsm components and a bdsm exploration. I’m not searching but I’m open for nice people.”

Answer: Unfortunately, it is pretty common. Those who aren’t experienced or knowledgeable about BDSM tend to generalize submissive females as “freaks”.. or maybe they just confuse the term with nymphomaniacs? It comes with the territory and is something we can either help correct through education (which is our goal here) or learn to deal with. If you are upfront about your needs, then you should get the results you desire. If you want a dominant partner who is willing to develop a D/s relationship, then you’ll find that.. but if you continually look for a dominant figure in a vanilla world.. you’re most likely going to find more and more people expecting you to act promiscuous because you identify as a submissive. You can always check out BDSM communities and talk with people online who have BDSM in common with you.. develop friendships that way