Written by http://notsogrowedup.wordpress.com
When it comes to Daddy Dom/little girl relationships, it takes two very unique and specific types of people to make the relationship work. It is not enough simply to be a dominant or a submissive, you need to be more than that to fulfill the roles of either a Daddy Dom or a little. i have already talked about what makes you a little in my post How Do You Know if You are a Little and now it is on to the other half of the relationship, the Daddy Dom.
Purchasing a gift for a significant other can be a difficult task, so we’re here to make it a little easier for you! Check out these ten great BDSM gift ideas for your partner.
Custom wooden gifts from BDSMCrafts.com. Above is a beautiful pegged dungeon gear organizer in style #4 with name & eyes, 60″ in clear finished oak and costs $89.00 (other styles available, prices vary)
With so much serious (and great) information at your fingertips when you visit our site, I thought I’d do something a little less serious, that you could even share with your ‘vanilla’ friends and family. I’m sure we’ve all seen those lists of sex laws that are on the books in some states. Lately, I’ve come across even more that I never knew existed. I didn’t think I could be surprised anymore by these things, but lo and behold, I was mistaken! What follows is a fun list I’ve put together combining many of these strange laws in one place. Some are not state-wide, and only on the books in certain areas, or cities, however, including that would make this article unbearably long, so I just decided to name the states.
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While not hugely successful, we did get about 100 votes on the poll, so that does at least make it an easy number to work with! I have had a lot of fun putting this together in the last couple of weeks. Let me begin by thanking our readers for participating, because of your help, my ‘theoretical’ fourth part was able to become reality, so I really couldn’t have done it without you! Now, onto the results!
For the ‘yes or no’ question about making a consistent, conscious effort to raise your pain threshold being important to you or not, a resounding 70% of us said ‘Yes!’
50% of us say we would tell our partners to stop what they were doing between 8, 9 , and 10, with 8 being ‘much more pain than pleasure’, and 10 being no pleasure at all, only pain! We really do like it rough!
In question one, I asked about your pain threshold in regard to what you say it was during your first BDSM experience involving pain. 6 and 7, respectively, were the most popular answers. In the second question, I asked where you consider your threshold to be right now, at this moment, and 8 and 7 were the most popular, respectively. It turns out 56 of us were at a ‘5 or under’ on the ‘pain subjectiveness’ scale when we started, and only 28 of us now consider ourselves to be at a 5 or under. So, roughly a little more than 25% of us seem to have had a significant increase in our pain threshold, while 70% of us make an effort to raise it. Are we doing anything wrong? I highly doubt it. There wasn’t any way for me to work in more variables, such as, ‘how long you have been in the lifestyle to begin with’, and, ‘do you participate regularly in sessions involving pain’, as I think this would have allowed for explanations as to why or why not our pain threshold is stagnant or growing. I think also, it may be likely that those in long term relationships with their partners might have an ‘easier time’, if you will, working on their pain thresholds, on account of things like experience with one person regularly, and just being plain comfortable enough to be able to ‘let go’. That is just my opinion though, and I wish I could have included things like that. Maybe PollDaddy will add some new formats and features or something, and I may be able to do it in the future.
This may raise more questions than answer them, and I suppose any scientific study worth its weight garners more questions than answers at the end, haha! Within those results, however, is something to be proud of I think. Since 7 and 8 were the most popular answers for ‘right now’ thresholds, and most of us have to ‘stop’ at 8, 9, or 10, this means we are, in fact being very open and honest with our communication in regards to how much pain we can bear. Good for us for living up to our own standards and practicing what we preach! Now, go give yourself a nice pat on the back……..or a flogging, whatever you prefer, since its all just subjective anyhow…..
If your interested in the research that brought this piece to its conclusion, just read these first two articles about Pleasure, Pain, and Science. The poll is actually still open, so it might be fun to see if it evolves over time and any averages change. Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!
The Poll (part 3)
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Many argue there is no way to have a 24/7 D/s relationship and be a parent. I say there are ways. In fact, many of you probably already do it. After searching for information, articles, and reading A LOT of blogs, what follows is my take on different ways to make it happen.
The ages of your children affect the choices and challenges you are presented with in any situation.You may be more free around younger children. For example, an infant or young toddler woken up by a scream or other such noise, isn’t going to come knocking on your door with questions, but can simply be rocked back to sleep, and your lesson is learned (if you’re lucky!). An older child would be much more complicated to deal with. Explanations would be needed, even if they are not wanted.
The advantage we have in the BDSM world, I believe, is our communication skills. Its been said over and over. This ability should flow over in our interaction with our children, as well. What you should talk to them about depends not only on your situation, but also on your own standards and morals. Obviously, if you choose a more open path, your children will see more and hear more. This may be fine for you. If you choose a more closed path, you may never have to deal with it at all concerning your children. As long as children are not exposed to extreme adult situations, there is no simple right or wrong path to take. Remember, safety first includes our children!
Depending on how you live the lifestyle, some of this may not apply to you, but I think you’ll find it useful nonetheless. For the purpose of this article, I chose to assume the reader has a 24/7 D/s relationship, or pretty close to it. I am not including the sexual aspect of the relationship here, as children of any age should not be included in those situations. You cannot hide everything from, nor adjust everything for, your child and some things may be overheard accidentally, but this is generally the exception, not the rule.
Many subs have “rituals” they do in service to their Doms, perhaps a greeting at the door when they return home. That is a common one. If you are supposed to be, lets say, naked and kneeling, obviously you cannot do that with children running around, no matter their age. Adjustments should be made accordingly. If you wear a collar, or other such symbol of your ownership/relationship, it may be a non-issue until your children are older and can ask questions. It’s not hard to answer something like that, really. A simple “Mommy/Daddy wears this as a symbol of our relationship/partnership/marriage (fill in the blank) as a reminder of the things we do for each other” can work to satisfy even an older childs curiosity. Or you can change the symbol to something less obvious, like a simple locket no one would question. Or even a certain undergarment to be worn. If you are to sit at Master’s feet on the floor when they have returned home, put some soft pillows down and have the children sit with you.
We all use safe words. (I hope we do!!!) They are simply a code, of sorts, to show a particular meaning, like stop, go, slow down, etc. You can make other code words or actions, for use in front of the children, to let each other know how you feel about a subject. When being a parent, you have to be strong and forthright, even while you may be a sub. It can be a challenge to be submissive to your Dom and possibly have to be dominant over your children, maybe even within the same given daily situation. Confusion easily happens, when, lets say, your child is misbehaving in some way, and in your frustration, you lash out at your Dom. A code word, or even a touch, can work quickly to put you back in your place, and may even help you (or both of you) see the situation more clearly, all without your child realizing it.
Rituals like these can become part of your normal, stable home environment, and the children won’t even need to realize if it makes you more comfortable that way. If you start while they are still young, things like this can become non-issues, which is probably where most of us feel the most comfortable, no one enjoys defending their lifestyle choices, even in front of toddlers, haha. It can make it even harder when the questioner is your child.
For these reasons I think it’s a good idea to have stability and a routine worked out in your relationship before children are brought into it. In this world of blended families we have, that simply does not always happen. This is where age appropriate discussions come in, as toys will undoubtedly be found, noises overheard, and even code words figured out. Children are smart!
I wish I could take credit for this next one, but I cannot. In all the blogs I read, this analogy just takes the cake, and the ice cream, as it were. (I will put a link below so you can read the blog if you want). I simply had to share this, and I will use my own words here.
We often refer to “normal” lifestyles as “vanilla”. After all, vanilla is the most common of the flavors. Lifestyles can be likened to ice cream. Vanilla being the most common, and almost everyone has tried it. Many are satisfied and never try another flavor. Some like the flavor, but want different toppings, nuts, sprinkles, etc. Some even stop eating vanilla ice cream altogether and go with the different flavors, or even make up their own flavor and unusual toppings.
I think this analogy just might be a great way to break the ice when talking to your child and may help lead you into other ways to appropriately discuss things with your children. While we are talking about vanilla here, Id like to say, even though the vanilla world may not understand our flavors and toppings, we are no different from them in the fact that we love our children and want whats best for them. No matter the flavor we like, we put their needs above our own, and do the best we can to keep the scales balanced. I also believe the happier we are, the happier our children will be, and therefore we need to take care of our needs, too. Be honest, and open, while being age appropriate, and our children will respond in kind.
Read as much as you can. Blogs are a great way to glean information from someone elses similar experience. It is impossible to fit it all in here. I ask that you share as much as you can. With each sharing comes more information for others to learn. This is such an important topic to cover, and no one article or person is going to have all the answers for your situation. I ask all of you, from one parent to another, to share your experience and advice, and keep our lifestyle the one of many flavors.
The ice cream analogy –
some general info –