BDSM and How to Bring it to Life in your Vanilla Marriage

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BDSM and D/s relationships have been in existence for as long as there have been relationships! In fact, back in the 1950s it wasn’t uncommon to see ads depicting husbands spanking their wives over their laps. Of course over time, images and even the prospect of these acts happening in the home were deemed sexist and demeaning. Couples living the lifestyle went into hiding for fear of being seen as deviant and possibly locked up for such reasons.

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A Lesson in Betrayal and a Call for Support

tumblr_mu57bwmM4w1qec0hto1_400If you don’t know by know, at ASI we put a lot of emphasis on safety, especially when it comes to finally taking that step and opening yourself up to someone. Unfortunately, I’ve seen so many of my friends in the community hurt by the partners they have chosen, no matter how many resources or words of advice we are able to give them.

In the end, even if you have the best of the best tools available, only you can really decide who is right for you in your D/s relationship and sometimes that may mean learning a lesson the hard way. Sometimes, that is the only way we can learn, but that does not mean it has to be the end of your submissiveness (or Dominance). But you do have to learn to trust again and, depending on the severity of the betrayal, you may have to learn who you are as a submissive (or Dominant) again.

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Our Store is OPEN!

We have started selling adult products straight from ASI!

What does this mean for you?

  • If you’re looking for something specific, you can contact us and we can usually add it right away!
  • We can deal with any customer service issues personally and you’ll get the attention you, as a customer, deserve!
  • Lower prices! Cutting out the middle-man means ASI is able to offer lower prices on our products.
  • You know who you are dealing with. We aren’t a warehouse in China, our products ship from the Midwest from the same admin that runs the Facebook page and Website.

We will also be using the new store to list our event tickets and t-shirts.

Poll Results Are In! (Pleasure, Pain, and Science)

Our website has moved! Please check out this article on our new, independent website!

 

While not hugely successful,  we did get about 100 votes on the poll, so that does at least make it an easy number to work with! I have had a lot of fun putting this together in the last couple of weeks. Let me begin by thanking our readers for participating, because of your help, my ‘theoretical’ fourth part was able to become reality, so I really couldn’t have done it without you! Now, onto the results!

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For the ‘yes or no’ question about making a consistent, conscious effort to raise your pain threshold being important to you or not, a resounding 70% of us said ‘Yes!’

50% of us say we would tell our partners to stop what they were doing between 8, 9 , and 10, with 8 being ‘much more pain than pleasure’, and 10 being no pleasure at all, only pain! We really do like it rough!

In question one, I asked about your pain threshold in regard to what you say it was during your first BDSM experience involving pain. 6 and 7, respectively, were the most popular answers. In the second question, I asked where you consider your threshold to be right now, at this moment, and 8 and 7 were the most popular, respectively.  It turns out 56 of us were at a ‘5 or under’  on the ‘pain subjectiveness’ scale when we started, and only 28 of us now consider ourselves to be at a 5 or under. So, roughly a little more than 25% of us seem to have had a significant increase in our pain threshold, while 70% of us make an effort to raise it. Are we doing anything wrong? I highly doubt it. There wasn’t any way for me to work in more variables, such as, ‘how long you have been in the lifestyle to begin with’, and, ‘do you participate regularly in sessions involving pain’, as I think this would have allowed for explanations as to why or why not our pain threshold is stagnant or growing. I think also, it may be likely that those in long term relationships with their partners might have an ‘easier time’, if you will, working on their pain thresholds, on account of things like experience with one person regularly, and just being plain comfortable enough to be able to ‘let go’. That is just my opinion though, and I wish I could have included things like that.  Maybe PollDaddy will add some new formats and features or something, and I may be able to do it in the future.

This may raise more questions than answer them, and I suppose any scientific study worth its weight garners more questions than answers at the end, haha! Within those results, however, is something to be proud of I think. Since 7 and 8 were the most popular answers for ‘right now’ thresholds, and most of us have to ‘stop’ at 8, 9, or 10, this means we are, in fact being very open and honest with our communication in regards to how much pain we can bear. Good for us for living up to our own standards and practicing what we preach! Now, go give yourself a nice pat on the back……..or a flogging, whatever you prefer, since its all just subjective anyhow…..

If your interested in the research that brought this piece to its conclusion, just read  these first two articles about Pleasure, Pain, and Science. The poll is actually still open, so it might be fun to see if it evolves over time and any averages change. Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!

Part One

https://asubmissivesinitiative.wordpress.com/2013/07/21/pleasure-pain-and-science-part-one/

Part Two

https://asubmissivesinitiative.wordpress.com/2013/07/23/pleasure-pain-and-science-part-two/

The Poll (part 3)

https://asubmissivesinitiative.wordpress.com/2013/07/27/poll-one-the-subjectiveness-of-it-all/

Community BDSM Education and Counseling Location

We are thinking long term for ASI and what our goals are as a company. Our main goal here is to help spread awareness and proper education about BDSM, as well as help establish a healthy sense of community. But how do we actually do that? Obviously, there are major obstacles when operating strictly online and we are trying our hardest to come up with creative ideas that will allow ASI to expand and offer our services to people internationally.

One of our short-term goals is to be able to offer educational kits that will allow YOU to represent ASI in the community. The kits will include our own book, other educational material such as pamphlets, an ASI t-shirt and a demonstration BDSM gear kit that you will be able to sell to make a small profit. You will NOT sign up other representatives, we want your focus to be on educating.. not recruiting.

For the LONG TERM we want to open a physical location with a small storefront that offers classes and counseling. After some thought, I’ve decided not to pursue opening any sort of play area, though we will hopefully be able to work with existing dungeons to provide education and classes, discounts, etc. If we can get the funding, I would like to provide our counseling services for FREE.

Daddy is worried that a place like this may not be welcomed or, simply not visited. So my questions to you are, Would you visit this kind of place? Would you attend classes presented by us if they were available in your area? And would you have a need for counseling services, advice or testing that catered to the BDSM community?

BDSM/Kink/Fetish Studies PCA/ACA

ATTENTION! The PCA/ACA (Popular Culture Association/American Culture Association) is “looking for presenters for the 2014 conference! This is an academic setting. Papers don’t actually have to be written, but an intelligent and thoughtful presentation is a must.”

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“CALL FOR PAPERS

We are interested in any and all topics about or related to the study of BDSM, sexual kink, or sexual fetishes in all genres, all media, all countries, all kinds, and all eras. All representations of BDSM, Kink, and fetishes in popular culture (fiction, stage, screen—large or small, commercial, advertising, music, song, dance, online, real life, etc.), from anywhere and any-when, are welcome topics of discussion. We also welcome any academic discussion of the real-life practice of BDSM, sexual kink, or sexual fetishes, as well as the lived experiences of people identifying as kinky.

We will consider proposals for individual papers, sessions organized around a theme, and special panels. Sessions are scheduled in one-hour slots, ideally with four papers or speakers per standard session.

Submit a one-page (200-300 words) proposal or abstract.

Please send all inquires to:

Michelle Martinez

Sam Houston State University

mmartinez@shsu.edu”

http://pcaaca.org/bdsmkinkfetish-studies/

Feitsh Q&A

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ANNOUNCEMENT!
Thursday, May 2nd, we will be hosting our next tinychat Q&A!
We will be starting this Q&A off on the topic of Fetishes, so be sure to bring your questions!

ASI rules will apply to the tinychat! If you are rude, start spamming or are simply there to cause trouble, we will remove you, so please play nice. 🙂

No need to register, you can sign in using your FB and if you have any questions feel free to message us.

http://tinychat.com/asibdsm