“Would you have any suggestions for therapy for a male submissive that was involved in an abusive relationship? He can’t afford therapy and there are no sliding scale kink aware therapists in his area. Just wondering if you might know of any online resources.”
“My S.O. and I have been experimenting with light BDSM (Dom/sub, and light bondage), and have really been enjoying it. What are some nicknames/titles we can use that won’t come across as inappropriate or alarming outside of the bedroom. We would like to maintain our Dom/sub roles in our daily lives, without making others uncomfortable. We have even found a collar for me that looks like a necklace. Thank you.”
“Please if there is any books that you would be able to suggest i think it could help me a lot I have been slowly learning to deal with it more because i do have some one i truly love beside me but i’ve had a little trouble explaining some of these parts of my brain place.”
Every day at A Submissive’s Initiative™ we get countless messages and emails about how to get involved in BDSM and the community so I’ve decided to put together a handy list of our top 10 FAQ for easy reference.
How do I get my partner to do what I want? The quick answer? You don’t. You can’t just make someone like the same fetishes or even be comfortable with the slightest reference to bondage. You can, however, use open communication to help them understand why you think that BDSM is important and/or can help better your relationship.
Fan Question:“Can a master have more than one sub? Or is this just some thing that is frowned upon in the bdsm world ?”There are many Masters that have more than one sub. And also who have subs in varying stages. From consideration, subs in training, full time subs, long distance subs, all the way up to slaves. Some Masters have sexual connotations with all of their subs. Others are only sexual with certain subs. Its definitely not anything frowned upon as long as all of it is honest safe and consensual.
Here is a pretty detailed quiz you can take. Of course, you will be the only person who will really “know” and your role might change from when you first start. It will depend on your desires and your experiences.
“How do I get my SO of 5 years to be more dominant OUTSIDE of the bedroom? He is amazing behind closed doors, but that is it. I don’t know if I should do less for him, like maybe leave the house a bit of a mess once in awhile, but I need more from him in everyday life.”
IMO, intentionally disobeying or being bratty is never a good idea. You are better off openly discussing your issues and communicating with your partner about your desire for them to be more dominating outside the bedroom. However, I want to warn you that not all people are comfortable with transitioning the D/s aspect outside of the bedroom. You will have to talk with them and maybe come up with a few suggestions for things you can do daily as a submissive and that he can do as a Dominant.
Fan Question: “I have been with my husband foe a long time and love him dearly. I have been on a dom/sub relationship before and feel the need to do this again. I have tried several things with hubby but it just doesn’t do anything for him.I feel the need every day to have this the desire for a dom consumes me. Should I look for an external relationship to satisfy this. I don’t want to leave hubby but our marriage doesn’t satisfy me anymore.”
It sounds like you really need to put it out there and communicate your needs with your husband. Talk to him about what it means to you and how you feel you can negotiate it. You can even try to go over our BDSM Checklist with him and see if anything strikes his interest. However, if it’s not interested, then he’s not interested and you’ll have to make a decision on what to do next. I would never suggest cheating, but perhaps an open relationship between the you and your husband would be a better fit.. or maybe even suggest a Poly relationship.
“I get collared next week, right before my birthday. I am so excited and I just want to tell everyone ! But it’s a pretty risque subject. A few of my friends know about my BDSM relationship, and my Master has required me to wear my collar and leash around some friends as a punishment. I know I’m going to show it off once I get it, but I’m afraid that some people won’t understand how our relationship works. Any advice ?”
You don’t HAVE to explain it to anyone unless you want to. If they ask why you’re wearing it, then just tell them it’s special to you or that it represents something important. No need to go into details unless you want to or unless they mention something specific about collaring and BDSM.. then feel free to talk about it as much as you want to! If you want to show it off when you are wearing it, then be prepared to meet some negative remarks. If someone says they don’t understand why you’d want to wear a collar, you can compare it to wearing a wedding ring if you want, or a promise ring or any other important jewelry a significant other would gift you. It’s special because it represents your relationship.
“i’ve been a sub for a little over a year. my last Dom didn’t listen to the safety word or even when i said stop and didn’t give any aftercare. being a sub has opened a passionate side of me i thought would never appear but i’m afraid to get another bad Dom. if you have any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated.”
First off I want to say that I’m sorry you had to go through that. It is unfortunate that some people think that being a Dom means they abuse their submissives. I know it will probably take a lot of trust on your part to be able to take the “gamble” and enter into another D/s relationship, so take your time to heal and learn what you want to get out of your next relationships first. We have several articles on our website that deal with abuse and BDSM, so please feel free to go through these results and I hope they will help you out. Also, we have a sister page, The Safe Submissive, that posts more about safety issues and abuse within the community and several groups on different social sites if you need any support.