Poll Results Are In! (Pleasure, Pain, and Science)

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While not hugely successful,  we did get about 100 votes on the poll, so that does at least make it an easy number to work with! I have had a lot of fun putting this together in the last couple of weeks. Let me begin by thanking our readers for participating, because of your help, my ‘theoretical’ fourth part was able to become reality, so I really couldn’t have done it without you! Now, onto the results!

painscale

For the ‘yes or no’ question about making a consistent, conscious effort to raise your pain threshold being important to you or not, a resounding 70% of us said ‘Yes!’

50% of us say we would tell our partners to stop what they were doing between 8, 9 , and 10, with 8 being ‘much more pain than pleasure’, and 10 being no pleasure at all, only pain! We really do like it rough!

In question one, I asked about your pain threshold in regard to what you say it was during your first BDSM experience involving pain. 6 and 7, respectively, were the most popular answers. In the second question, I asked where you consider your threshold to be right now, at this moment, and 8 and 7 were the most popular, respectively.  It turns out 56 of us were at a ‘5 or under’  on the ‘pain subjectiveness’ scale when we started, and only 28 of us now consider ourselves to be at a 5 or under. So, roughly a little more than 25% of us seem to have had a significant increase in our pain threshold, while 70% of us make an effort to raise it. Are we doing anything wrong? I highly doubt it. There wasn’t any way for me to work in more variables, such as, ‘how long you have been in the lifestyle to begin with’, and, ‘do you participate regularly in sessions involving pain’, as I think this would have allowed for explanations as to why or why not our pain threshold is stagnant or growing. I think also, it may be likely that those in long term relationships with their partners might have an ‘easier time’, if you will, working on their pain thresholds, on account of things like experience with one person regularly, and just being plain comfortable enough to be able to ‘let go’. That is just my opinion though, and I wish I could have included things like that.  Maybe PollDaddy will add some new formats and features or something, and I may be able to do it in the future.

This may raise more questions than answer them, and I suppose any scientific study worth its weight garners more questions than answers at the end, haha! Within those results, however, is something to be proud of I think. Since 7 and 8 were the most popular answers for ‘right now’ thresholds, and most of us have to ‘stop’ at 8, 9, or 10, this means we are, in fact being very open and honest with our communication in regards to how much pain we can bear. Good for us for living up to our own standards and practicing what we preach! Now, go give yourself a nice pat on the back……..or a flogging, whatever you prefer, since its all just subjective anyhow…..

If your interested in the research that brought this piece to its conclusion, just read  these first two articles about Pleasure, Pain, and Science. The poll is actually still open, so it might be fun to see if it evolves over time and any averages change. Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!

Part One

https://asubmissivesinitiative.wordpress.com/2013/07/21/pleasure-pain-and-science-part-one/

Part Two

https://asubmissivesinitiative.wordpress.com/2013/07/23/pleasure-pain-and-science-part-two/

The Poll (part 3)

https://asubmissivesinitiative.wordpress.com/2013/07/27/poll-one-the-subjectiveness-of-it-all/

Break It Down-The Bones of a D/s Relationship

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BDSM relationships are not easy, they are not simple and there is no “normal” dynamic. I’ve said before that there is no way to describe the ultimate BDSM relationship, however there are certain protocols that create a sound foundation for one. Without a majority of these, a D/s relationship can be chaotic, full of misunderstandings, anger and jealousy.

Photo from saidaonline.com

Photo from saidaonline.com

Honest Communication

When you first meet someone I believe it is best to be honest about your desires, expectations and experience. You don’t need to force them to listen to you while you tell them your life story, but the major events, anything that could effect your relationship should be noted after a few dates/meetings or after things have gotten a bit more serious.

I also believe in voicing any concerns or issues within the relationship freely between each other. If you can, try to approach a problem after you have had time to think about it yourself. This will give you time to detach any emotions you were feeling at the time of the incident and look at it from a different perspective.

If need be, you can always ask an unbiased third party to examine the situation and give you advice.

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Photo from Flickr

Open Negotiations

If you decide to pursue a serious D/s relationship with someone the next step would be to discuss negotiations. You will go over different topics depending on whether this negotiation is for an individual scene or the relationship. You will discuss your limits, safe words, what activities will be involved in a scene, what rules you will follow, punishments for breaking a rule, what daily activities your top will have control over and what daily activities or “chores” the bottom will have to complete. Again, not all of these will apply directly to YOUR relationship, but the negotiations should always take place before you have a scene with someone new.

Without negotiations your relationship may always feel like it is on the edge. The Top could claim they didn’t know that knife play was a hard limit or the bottom could decide to pursue other tops without clarification that their current relationship was supposed to be monogamous. These simple misunderstandings could lead to jealousy and anger, but are easily avoided with thorough negotiations.

(If you want to be formal with your negotiations, discuss your details and create a written contract.)

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Photo from eHow

Respect

Both partners must respect each other. If you do not have respect for that person, then it is going to be difficult to trust them in a scene and then there is no where to move forward. Respect means being faithful to your agreed negotiations and being honest with your partner. Also, being respectful does not mean you have to agree with them 100% of the time. You are allowed to safe word or bring up an issue you feel is important, but how you go about doing that is the key. Be calm and do not break rules in the process of trying to prove a point.

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Photo from tumblr

Safety

There are two main thoughts on safety in BDSM. The first is SSC, which means “Safe, Sane, Consensual” and the second is RACK, which means “Risk Aware Consensual Kink”. They differ on the degree of safety (SSC largely looks down upon edge play because it is dangerous, but RACK would allow edge play as long as the partners are aware of the risks and take the appropriate safety precautions).

One of ASI’s goals is to educate those who are interested on how to be as safe as possible. It may not pertain to a kink we’re really into, but we are not here to judge.

To be as safe as you can, make you sure you do plenty of research before attempting an activity. If you can, speak to someone who has tried it before and get tips and advice from those more experienced.

Be sure you are aware of any potential danger related to the activity. If there are medical issues, do more research on how to avoid an embarrassing trip to the Emergency Room.

Remember, it is the Top’s responsibility to keep the bottom safe. A Top should never lead a bottom into unsafe situation. We trust the top to guide us, safely, and to teach us through new experiences.

These are a few of the things that are needed to create a solid D/s relationship and, really, almost any relationship. Remember, every relationship is different and may require different attributes.

by Jessica Cocker

Anal Sex Tips

RBY-sex-27-de-98796954Our website has moved! Please check out this article on our new, independent website!

By Jessica Cocker

As someone who loves anal sex I am always surprised when someone tells me they’ve never tried it before. When I ask what was keeping them from giving it a try, fear of pain is usually the answer. Remember, just because a masochist might enjoy pain, that doesn’t mean we enjoy ALL kinds of pain. So, how do you go about attempting anal sex comfortably?

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“How to do I tell my partner I’m interested in BDSM?”

By Jessica Cocker

I think our most asked question at ASI is “How to do I tell my partner I’m interested in BDSM?” I really think they are asking “How do I keep my partner from freaking out and calling me perverted for liking to be spanked?” This is something I think each of us was afraid of at some point. Even if you’re already in a D/s relationship, you can still wonder “Will they think this is weird?” And you won’t know the answer unless you ask them! Continue reading

The Expectation of Pain

Photo from Tumblr.com

By Jessica Cocker

Pain play seems to be something that is increasingly prominent within the BDSM culture and without the distinction that it isn’t necessarily expected of everyone. But with the media focusing on sadism so heavily within the BDSM community I find that most believe when they are starting out that it is something they will have to endure in order to be involved in a D/s relationship. Continue reading

BDSM Relationships and Roles

One common thing I’ve seen, especially in beginners, but sometimes with the seasoned players as well, is a confusion among the BDSM roles/labels and what their responsibilities are.. and unfortunately I wasn’t able to find a comprehensive guide anywhere either. Below I’ve compiled just a few of the terms generally used to refer to different roles in the BDSM community.

By Jessica Cocker

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Tools of the Trade (BDSM Tools and Toys)

Beginning in BDSM can be a daunting adventure. With so many weapons (hehe) to choose from, and in so many different designs, how do you know what to choose? Or how to use them? This simple (and no where near complete) list of tools and toys are just a small selection of commonly seen bondage items to keep around.

By Jessica Cocker

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