Weight Issues

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Fan Question:”I have a question that you guys might have an answer to, or at least some advice on the matter. My Dominant makes it very clear that the only thing keeping me from being perfect is the fact that I’m overweight. Since that comment, I’ve become very self conscious with him. I brought it up with him a while ago and he said he was getting used to it, but when I text him the next day about howe happy that made me, he said it could still be changed. Help…?”

Answer: This is a tricky situation.. IMO, a Dom shouldn’t be looking to necessarily “change” the submissive, but should be encouraging self-improvement. He shouldn’t tell you that you’re fat, that you aren’t beautiful, that he doesn’t find you attractive.. or, in this case, that you aren’t perfect because of a physical matter. If he’s constantly telling you these things, I would consider that emotional abuse.. he’s making you feel as if you aren’t worthy of him or that you need to change for him, which isn’t the case. If the issue really bothers him THAT much, he wouldn’t be with you.. just keep that in mind! He obviously finds you beautiful for who you are. However, staying fit can be something a Dom requires.. for health and mental reasons. If he started requiring you to exercise or you are interested in a certain diet …then that is something you two will need to negotiate. If you are comfortable with those stipulations, then be sure to follow them once you’ve agreed to them! But, your negotiations on this issue should be about your safety and his, not necessarily just about attraction, because BDSM isn’t all about sex.. it’s about the relationship.

Recognizing Abuse

By Drea Martin

Something that I’m encountering with alarmingly increasing regularity is the excusing of abusive behavior under the guise of BDSM.  I have recently come in contact with a number of women who have described to me vicious scenarios of untempered abuse at the hands of their Dominant.  Threats of being left, accusations of not being a ‘real sub’ and many other tactics are used by the perpetrator to force the submissive to go beyond their hard limit boundaries or to endure much more pain, degradation, or humiliation than is reasonable.  I’d like to pause here a moment to explain that, though it has been female submissives sharing their stories with me, this isn’t something that is at all bound by gender. Males can be, and often are, victims of the same abuses that females are subjected to.  This is especially true within the dynamic of Domination/submission (D/s) because a much deeper level of trust is engendered, as well as the element  of perceived control, versus a vanilla relationship.

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As a Submissive You Should Know:

 

By Spanky

1. YOU are in charge of your own safety and happiness.

Although this is a power-exchange type of world, you do not give up your rights as a human being (unless that’s something you have negotiated) and ultimately the choice to remain in an unsafe or miserable situation is your own.

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