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We take certain risks, enjoying our sexuality the way we do. We want someone to dominate and control us, someone to take us to the limit inside and out, yet we need to feel safe knowing we are respected.
The qualities that create the partnership between Dom and Sub are as varied as there are participants; however, there are certain warning signs to look out for in order to avoid an experience you’d rather not have:
1. Keeping you away from people or places you enjoy – This is really the warning sign for any potentially abusive relationship.
2. Controlling behavior outside the scope of sexplay – again, a classic warning sign. This and the previous item have nothing to do with our Dom’s orders regarding dress and so on. These have to do with being frightened down deep in your core of doing the wrong thing.
3. Public humiliation, or any humiliation not part of the “games” we play – We all have the things we like to do and say and how we like to be. We are submissive. Being made to feel embarrassed and ashamed is different and wrong.
4. Beating or physical violence outside the scope of sexplay – This is self-explanatory. We may like to be hurt, but this is not that.
5. Lack of concern on the part of the Dom about going too far – As I said at the beginning, we need to feel safe. We want our Dom to take us as far as we can go, but it is essential we not be forced to go too far. If someone is not concerned for your limits that is not the person you should be with.
6. Abuse of drugs or alcohol – This is not a discussion about the responsible use of either. It is a plain fact that someone who is abusing drugs or alcohol is someone who is (a) not going to be paying attention and/or (b) unpredictable and not in a good way.
So, be who you are, love who you wish however it pleases you (and your Dom). Remember, too, looking out for yourself is vital to your complete enjoyment. A good Dom, one who wants to bring out your best and most beautiful self, is how you get there.