When anyone think of submitting to another, the first thought to the vanilla mind is ‘doormat’. One who can not speak up for themselves. This obviously isn’t true, at least in most D/s relationships. There are those small few that lose touch of course, but overall, the communication and trust within these unions are paramount. So when the very idea of showing care to your Dom/me can seem daunting if not downright impossible to a submissive.
What do I mean by this? Let’s look at this scenario: Your Dom/me has been told that if S/He needs to lose weight or they’ll have health issues in the near future?
Obviously, in a relationship not in the lifestyle, the other half will take charge in making sure all junk food is gone and constantly harp on diet and weight loss. Making the person struggling with the issue resentful to be treated like a mere child.
When the submissive in a D/s union, that kind of response is not only a big no-no, but not in our nature. So how does a sub show concern and care while still maintaining a submissive grace?
It’s a simple as the tone used. Remaining respectful, suggest ways you can assist your Dom/me to get on the right path of healthiness. Because face it, a submissive knows that that while a Dominant strives to bring out the best in them, they are still human and need as well.
Final sage advice for beginners:
If someone tells you there is no right or wrong way to be a submissive and a partner, they’re wrong. There is always a wrong way to something, and being pushy to the point of disrespectful is one of them. Yes, in our minds we feel as though if we don’t do something, we’ve failed, but submissives need to push down that surge to control and simply be a gentle tide to hold their Dominant’s boat steady in.
Speaking up is fine. Your Dom/me is there to hear your concerns and fears. It tells them you’re deeply connected in your love for them and would hate to lose them. That’s where that great open communication is best in the relationship.
Don’t be a brat. It is a thin line between being helpful and becoming a nag. If what’s coming from you sounds like this: “You shouldn’t eat that. The doctor specifically said…”, you’ve slipped into becoming a mother figure rather than a submissive. A better way to word that same sentiment can be by: “What can I do the help You get on track? I’m open to any suggestions and ready to work together so W/we can continue to thrive.” See the difference?
Always, always approach with love and an open ear. An open heart and mind. Do this and as a submissive, you’ll show how much you care and still keep your status intact.