Also sometimes referred to as ‘Top-space’ and ‘Top-drop’, you don’t hear about Domspace and Dom-drop as often as you do subspace and sub-drop. Why not? There are some speculative reasons, as I will call them. For starters, society mostly still praises gender defined rolls, and the hype is that since men don’t talk about their feelings much, and since most men in BDSM must be Doms, then…..Wrong! Anyone who is in the lifestyle in a serious educated manner can squash that pretty quickly. Another speculation, often heard from subs who are just starting their exploration, is that Doms must somehow be impervious to giving into their feelings because they seem so in control all the time, after all, they are dominant, right? Make no mistake, this thought is not usually perpetuated by insensitivity to another’s needs, but rather by a higher experience level Dom with a beginner sub, who in the findings of their new lifestyle, often see their Doms as being ‘Invincible’ when caught up in it. The Dom naturally takes his position, caring for the sub and their needs and ‘education’ as it were, to his specifications and their agreed upon situations. Sadly, I cannot seem to find any scientific information, studies, or otherwise that seem totally reliable on these subjects. I did find many, many blogs, articles and personal stories from all level of experience, and will use that information to the best of my ability to hopefully give you some relevant and helpful information.
Arguably, we can say the same chemical responses happen to achieve Domspace, that happen with subspace, though maybe differing amounts of each. (you can read a bit about those chemicals and see their definitions in my post ‘To Subspace, Sub-drop and Beyond‘.) Unlike subspace however, I did not come across one instance that stated a Dom had lost control of their ability to control their body or their very ‘being’ the way that many subs report.(I cannot state indefinitely that has not happened, so if anyone knows and is willing to share, please feel free.) Quite the opposite seems to happen, though. Many Doms report their focus going inward, akin to tunnel vision, and/or losing focus on everything around them but the sub in the session. This feeling, sometimes called ‘blood-lust’, is what many Doms seem to say can be felt so strong it can sometimes be scary. Some Doms keep going, saying they experience a level of control, of ‘being’, so intense it heightens every aspect of whats going on around them. Conversely, some sessions are stopped immediately because of the fear of losing control of oneself, because you do not want to take a chance like that when you are responsible for one’s very well being. Behind that, there’s also a possibility of some guilt coming from the very enhanced feeling of wanting to hurt and/or control another, of wanting to hear someone cry in pain, and taking pleasure from all of that. Combine all that together, which also happens quite often, and you can understand why, along with Domspace, it can also be followed by a drop, with lingering effects that can be more emotional than physical, just like sub-drop.
When you are in a sexual D/s relationship of any sort, and even more likely if it is long-term, and/or you live together as a family, there is usually an agreement of some kind, whether it be a written contract or not. (You can read more about contracts here.) When you have any protocol, or otherwise, you essentially create the interactions you have with one another, based upon all of that, even if not all the time. Sometimes, the air can go stale. The pressure of being the ‘leader’ as a Dom, so to speak, is not felt any less than the pressure of being pleasing and respectable ‘followers’ as subs. You certainly don’t have to work all hours of a day, and you still get burnt out. Some Doms call it burn-out, instead of drop, too. This is just one more reason being able to communicate your needs and feelings to one another regularly. Unaddressed, feelings and situations can lead to confusion and even resentment very quickly, and cause the Dom to act and feel differently in ways they may not be able to define themselves, just as in sub-drop. Actions and feelings should be discussed before and after each sexual session, and any ‘everyday’ agreements should be able to be discussed openly, as well. That is a valid part of aftercare, as well, and, as in my first post, you can read more about aftercare here if you would like to.)
As always I am always asking questions, and trying to find answers. I do have a simple poll that will be coming up within the next week, to ask your opinions about the subjects of ‘space’ and ‘drop’, whether it be Dom, or sub. I talk about my questions more in the first part of this article, right here, to give you an idea of what my poll might include. We have a new poll plugin to work with, and I am still getting to know it, but I will do the best I can!