Letting Go

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Fan Question:

“I need some advice. I have always been in control. I gave up that control to my Master/boyfriend and sometimes have a hard time letting it go. I can be a bit of a brat and I don’t want to disappoint him. What can I do to let go of the control?”

Answer:

Being a brat isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It just depends on when you are a brat and the reasons behind the brattiness. For some Dominants it can be an endearing quality, but you have to remember that being demanding and argumentative are not likable characteristics for any submissive and honestly goes against what being a submissive is.

If you feel a bratty moment coming a long, tell your Dom! Just say I really feel ____ or I’d like to really ____ right now. Being honest is part of developing a healthy relationship and is absolutely necessary for making a BDSM relationship work. Communication can go a long way, so let him/her know you are struggling with this aspect. That way they can recognize when you are struggling and try to help you through it. It’s a Dominant’s job to guide you, so let them help!

You can also start a journal to keep track of your bratty moments. Think about what triggered the feeling, what helped you calm down or what pushed you over the edge, and ways you can handle future issues.

Good luck!

2 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. Between the question and the answer I perceive an implication. It is one that gets batted around when discussing ‘safe words’, limits and introducing the partner to your needs. Specifically, it is that magical process of ‘just knowing’. The brat wants to be called out, but the brat dynamic presents issues that absolutely require a discussion of all the above. A natural, ‘just knowing’ relationship is a lovely thing particularly if it exists beyond that fragile moment of infatuation and even more so if it lingers into the mature moments. Avoiding communication will not bring on the knowing. The dynamics of a segregated power relationship requires clear and sometimes painful sharing of needs, limits, fears, etc. The brat personality is asking a lot from their partner. It is reasonable, it is (or should be) acceptable to have boundaries in this type of relationship. My caution is for both parties. When and where seem obvious points to clarify. The dimensions of response are pertinent, but NOT the core. A brat can be overwhelming. The expectation of the brat or the adult (better term ?) should be understood by both grown-ups. The discussion cannot work within the dynamic. This point is very important. I do not mean to pontificate, but the talking and communicating thing must be viewed as important and absolutely not a diminishing exercise.

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