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By Rose Petal
So, you’re in a BDSM relationship? You have kids? You have a job? You have other responsibilities besides the ones to your Daddy/Dom, or Mommy/Mistress? You have a life, right! As much as we want to, we don’t always have enough time in the day to please everyone, and if you are remotely human, you probably please yourself last at the end of the day, if you get the chance at all. So how do we make the special time we do have with our partner count, when all too often, it is but a fleeting hour of pleasure once or twice a week?
I posted a question about this in the forum. When I shared a link to it on the Facebook page, it didn’t exactly look like a question, more like a statement. That got me thinking, that just maybe, some of the 60-something people that viewed it thought they were going to get that question answered, instead of the other way around!
I have looked all over the internet for articles about this, and can find nothing but your everyday “making time for each other in your marriage” articles, and one very thorough article about making time for each other in Polyamory. (If you’re interested in this article I will post the link to it below, I’m sure it may apply to some of you!)
As we all know, it is impossible to define most BDSM relationships by any one standard. We all do different things, like different things, and even that can change depending on your mood! I have tried to cover as many time-saving techniques as I can think of, many I do myself. Some I have gotten from a few friends that are into the lifestyle. Here’s what I got, and if you have some more thoughts, please feel free to share!
#1 tip: Organization
While it may not seem like it, this can be a big time-management issue. When the day is done and everyone else is in bed (if you have kids, or roommates, etc.) and you finally have a moment, it’s a big time waster to have to look for everything you need/want if it’s not all organized and in one space. Get a chest with a lock on it if you have kids, or keep everything organized in a closet or chest by the bed, or wherever your play time is conducted at. This brings me to number two….
#2 tip: Location
This doesn’t at all mean to confine yourself to one space, but that you talk about where you want to play with your partner the next time, so it’s just one less thing to think about in the moment. Maybe you can have your toy collection in place and ready to go if you know you’re not going to have much time.
#3 tip: Prioritize and Combine
Think about what you have to do each week, and see how you may be able to combine some errands together to save on trips to “town”. Little things can add up to big time savings. For instance, pay a bill online, instead of driving to the office to pay it. Another thing is grocery shopping. FMI.org, a supermarkets facts website, states that the average person/family shops for groceries 2.2 times a week. This doesn’t count for convenience stores, or stops for gas, either! There’s a poll at moneysmartfamily.com that states about the same percentage, and you can participate if you want, results will be shown to you immediately after you vote, so you can compare your habits with those of others. Something as simple as making sure your pantry is stocked may just be the key to making more time to be together.
#4 tip: Communication
I know we hear a lot about this strange word around here, haha. I don’t think it can be over-done though. Of course a BDSM relationship takes A LOT of communication, not to mention respect, maturity and patience, and a healthy dose of curiosity. What I mean with it this time, however, is to really stay tuned in to what each of you NEED and WANT, and this requires good communication, not only with your partner, but also with yourself! There is a big difference between those two words, sometimes all the difference. You may want more time, more rope play, more pony play, more whatever, but sometimes, no matter what we do, there just isn’t enough time for everything we want. So always go with what you need first. If you need a spanking, make that a priority, and tell your partner so! Of course, finding a way, whether through texts or calls or e-mails to tell each other what you need and want throughout the day, might make a difference in how turned on you are when you get to be together, and that can make a difference with time constraints, too. If you’re already ready to go, you might just get to fit in more of what you want while you’re getting what you need!
Bureau of Labor Statistics: A chart of average daily use of time for Americans
Time management and other useful info about Polyamory:
Participate in the poll about grocery shopping habits: