Kinktionary A-L

BDSM Dictionary

Words and Descriptions A-L

1950s, 1960s (etc) era: Refers to relationships based on the mores and practices of the time period; generally a monogamous, heterosexual, male-led relationship. Similarities with Christian domestic discipline (CDD), taken in hand (TIH) practices. DeFUNition: Think “Leave It To Beaver” with a dungeon in the basement….

24/7 (see TPE): A D/s relationship which is in effect at all times. A Total Power Exchange, or TPE, relationship would be the most extreme form of 24/7; some consider the terms equivalent.

abduction: See kidnapping

abrasion play: Using something rough (such as sandpaper or scrub brush) to provide stimulation. May leave temporary marks; some may go so far as to draw blood, in which case infection prevention is important.

adult baby (see diaper lover): One who dresses and/or role plays the part of a baby or toddler. :GROUP:

aftercare (see Dom drop, sub drop, subspace): The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, and slowly come back in touch with reality. Depending on the intensity of the scene and the nature of the participants, aftercare may be very important to one or both participants in order to prevent later emotional aftereffects. Aftercare may consist of some or all of the following components: Being away from noise, activity, bright light; physical closeness and touching with the partner; hydration with water or sport drink; keeping warm. Aside from its necessity, aftercare can be one of the most rewarding and loving experiences the participants can share.

age play: Scene (or entire relationship) in which one person (usually the submissive) dresses and acts as if younger in age, ranging from infant to adult child. May or may not include sexual relations. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest or pedophilism,* but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student.

algolagnia: Deriving sexual pleasure from the application of pain to an erogenous zone

anal hook: Often used in suspension bondage, it is placed in the anal opening and used as part of the suspension. :PIC: (Why do I get the image of a fish on a hook? –Sue)

anal torture (also see figging): Inflicting pain on the anus. Keep in mind that this flesh is tender and easily damaged (ouch)! :PIC:

anal training: Inserting progressively larger objects (usually butt plugs) in order to stretch the anal sphincter, in preparation for such activities as anal sex and fisting. Safety note: Should proceed slowly and cautiously in order to reduce the risk of hemorrhoids or worse problems; the recipient should always be in control of the insertion.

androgyny: Showing characteristics of both sexes.

animal play: (see pet play, ponygirl , ponyboy, pup-play) The sub behaves and/or dresses like an animal. The principal theme of animal role play is usually the voluntary or involuntary reduction (or transformation) of a human being to animal (see objectification). Animal role play may or may not involve sexual activity. Not to be mistaken with bestiality/zoophilia, which involves the actual animal. :PIC1:PIC2:

animal transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub entering the altered mind space of a different species.

anime: A style of animated cartoon developed in Japan in the 1960s. See manga.

asexual: (1.) Lacking interest in or desire for sex. (2.) Dressing and presenting oneself in such a way that it is hard to determine one’s sex from their appearance. (3.) Objectification: A person who is treated and referred to (examples, “it”, “slave”, “pet”) as if they had no sex.

auction: Auctions can be held for many reasons: to raise funds for an event, a new piece of equipment, repairs, benefit for a charity or a needy member, or—fun! Most people think of slave auctions, but they may also be of donated “toys,” dungeon time, or the services of someone with special skills; for example, a rope bondage session, sensuous massage, tailoring, lawn service, etc.


bad pain (see limits, good pain): Physical or psychological pain which is beyond what the recipient is capable of accepting without potential long-term physical or emotional consequence. Frequently arises from exceeding the recipient’s limits, or failing to recognize signs of distress. Can lead to drastic consequences, including permanent physical damage, psychological side effects, ending of the relationship, even abandonment of the lifestyle.

bagging: Suffocation using a (mostly or always) clear bag over her head, as a turn on.

bastinado: Impact play involving the soles of the feet.

BBW: Big Beautiful Woman.

BDSM: Multiple acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance/submission, sadomasochism. Frequently used as an all-inclusive abbreviation indicating anything pertaining to the “lifestyle”, often including fetish, although it isn’t part of the acronym.

beating: The Top uses an implement to hit the sub.

bestiality: Sexual abuse of an animal.

bisexual: A person open to sexual activity with both sexes. May still have a preference; or the attraction might depend more on the individual person than on their sex.

bit; bit gag: A style of gag with a cylindrical mouthpiece, usually made of soft rubber or latex. Simulating the bridle of a horse, such bits are often used in pony play. :PIC:

black sheet party: An orgy for people into BDSM sex.

bladder/bowel control: (1) Requiring the submissive to ask permission before toileting. (2) Training the submissive to be able to eliminate in the Dominant’s presence, or even while being fondled. As an invasion of privacy, this can be a form of humiliation; it can also be used to foster the submissive’s trust and acceptance of the Dom into the most intimate aspects of the sub’s life.


blanket party: A “blanket party”, is not employed by the military in or of itself, but by some of the soldiers in any given branch of service. “Usually” only in a training environment where one person continually/consistently “screws up” causing everyone to be “punished” for his/her mistakes.

A blanket is thrown over the body, not the face, in order to restrain the individual.

While a separate item, ( i.e. hand towel, shirt, pillow case ) is used as a gag. Socks, towels, pillow cases, etc. are then filled with various small items, such as bar soap (most common), rolls of quarters etc. Only small blunt objects are used as to not cause any lacerations or puncturing. The blows are generally concentrated in the torso region (upper chest to abdomen). Though blows can land on arms if aim is bad or the item used to swing is to long or too short. NEVER to the face or the genitals. The objective is to cause SEVERE pain and humiliation with the intent at immediate and drastic behavior modification. NOT to break any bones or so severe a beating as to land that person in the hospital! The individual should have NO visible marks or abrasions other than some minor bruising. (why bar soap is preferred, as well as all have easy access to that item)

The movie Full Metal Jacket has the most accurate representation of this. @SakuraOnnaNoKo

blood play: (See cutting or blood sports) The drawing of blood during play.

body modification: Various changes to the body, usually permanent. Including tattoos, piercings, scarification (scarring), branding, permanent hair removal, breast augmentation or reduction, etc. :PIC: Microbranding or “cell popping” is considered temporary; subdermal implants can usually be removed.

body worship: To show respect to every part of the Dominant’s body, often by kissing, licking, or sucking. May involve ritual components.

boi: Female submissive who identifies as a male.

bondage: Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage may refer to total body restraint, or restraint of a particular body part, such as breast bondage. (Also see: mental bondage)

bondage art: binding the bottom in a way which is aesthetically pleasing. Often for photography.

Bondage & Discipline (BD or B&D): A part of the multiple acronym BDSM. Refers to the primarily physical aspect of BDSM; that of restraint and of physical play.

bondage belt: Usually made of leather, with metal rings for bondage attachment points. :PIC:

bondage suit: Used for mummification and occasionally suspension. Commonly made of leather with straps and made to fit snugly.

boot worship: To show respect for the Dominant’s footwear, often by kissing, licking, or sucking, or by cleaning/polishing. May involve ritual components.

bootblack: One who does military style shoe polishing.

bottom: In a scene, the person who gives up control, or who receives physical sensation from a top. (See Top)

bowcatting: see cunnilingus

branding: Scarring of the skin by a heated object. Can be semi-permanent or permanent (see cell popping).

brat: A “bratty” submissive has a reputation for talking back, being disrespectful or mildly disobedient. On the surface, this is a negative quality in a submissive; however, a certain amount of “brattiness” is enjoyed by some Dominants, and may in fact be a large component of a power exchange relationship. :PIC: (Also see Topping from the bottom)

breadcrumbs: When a post/comment is left by a fetlife member, all their friends will see the comment, and can therefore follow the ‘breadcrumb’ link to see the pretty picture or good post.

breast bondage: The act of restraining female breasts so that they are either flattened against the chest or so that they bulge. May include nipple clamping. :PIC:

breath control, breath play: The act by which the dominant controls the submissive’s breathing, often by choking, HOM (hand over mouth) or other forms of asphyxiation. Important: Many consider any form or degree of breath control to be extremely dangerous. Please see this :ARTICLE:

breeding: Usually means to have unprotected sex to ejaculation (ejaculating inside the vagina or anus) and often performed by a D-type to an s-type. This can be done to males as well as females. It can also refer to a breeding fantasy, where females will role-play being impregnated and carrying the baby, even up to the ‘birth’. This cycle can happen several times in one session as it is fantasy.

brown shower (see scat): Defecation on a person.

bullwhip: A type of singletail consisting of a woven or braided leather whip, usually longer than 4′, with a short rigid handle. :PIC:

bukkake: Japanese term for woman being showered by sperm.

butch: An overtly masculine dressing/acting lesbian (as opposed to a femme). Sometimes used to describe a gay man. This does not necessarily define the person’s role in a sexual or D/s relationship.

butt plug: Much like a dildo, only shaped slightly differently. Usually has a flared base to prevent it from entirely entering the rectum. They come in a variety of styles and sizes; some can vibrate. :PIC:

BYOT (see fluid exchange): Bring your own toys. Acronym often used in meeting announcements. An excellent measure to discourage the possible spread of disease.


camming: Having “sex” via the Internet, with webcams allowing viewing of the action, either one way or both ways.

cane: A thin rod used for striking. Commonly made of hardwood, bamboo, or acrylic. :PIC:

canning: A common misspelling of “caning” (see cane above).

cat o’ nine tails: Whip with nine tails or lashes. :PIC:

catheter: A specially designed tubular device, usually soft plastic, inserted through the urinary channel into the bladder in order to drain it. Used medically when a person is unable to relieve themselves normally, as in after injury or surgery, or during serious illness or unconsciousness. In BDSM, used in urethral play. Safety caution: The bladder in healthy people is a sterile environment. Inserting a nonsterile catheter, or using the catheter to inject fluids into the bladder, may cause serious infection!

CBT: see Cock and ball torture. Play or discipline involving the male genitals. :PIC:

CDD: see Christian Domestic Discipline below.

cell popping (see microbranding, body modification): A small metal poker is heated until glowing red and gently applied to the skin for one second. A design is formed by a series of dots made by the poker. This body mod is considered a temporary branding lasting anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months, depending on application and individual healing factors. :PIC:

chastity: A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the choice of their partner; sometimes by means of a device called a chastity belt (or for men a cock cage) that prevents stimulation or makes it painful. (deFUNition: cruel and unusual punishment!) PICS: female chastity belt male chastity device

chat speak: A way to condense IM or text messages to a minimum of characters or letters. Not to be confused with acronyms.

chemical play: Using chemicals to produce sensations. Examples: wintergreen oil, Tabasco sauce, tiger balm, ginger, peppermint, rubbing alcohol, toothpaste, menthol, etc. Caution: should be tested on lesser sensitive tissues first!

Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD): (1) A Christian philosophy which permits husbands to spank their wives for disciplinary purposes. :WEBSITE: According to most CDD resources, it’s okay for both parties to enjoy and/or be aroused by the practice. (2) Sometimes used to label an entire relationship practice; see taken in hand (TIH); also “era” style relationships (1950s, ‘60s, etc.)

circle jerk: When a group of males all stand in a circle and everyone jerks the person os either the right or the left of them.

cisgendered: The word has its origin in the Latin-derived prefix cis, meaning “to/this the near side”. In short, a ‘girly girl’ or ‘manly man’.

clover clamp: A specific type of nipple clamp consisting of a clamp with a lever mechanism to which a chain or cord is affixed in such a way that pulling on the chain or cord increases pressure on the clamp. :PIC:

cock and ball torture (CBT): Play or discipline involving the male genitals. :PIC:

cock milking (see p-gasm, prostate massage): The practice of forcing a male to discharge semen through the penis through prostate massage without experiencing orgasm. Uses: (1.) In Domination/humiliation play, to arouse, frustrate, and/or humiliate a submissive by causing intense sensations and the involuntary “milking” of semen while denying orgasm; especially effective in the presence of witnesses. (2.) To enhance pleasure (for any male, not just submissives!) by giving an extremely pleasurable sensation, similar to that of orgasm, for an extended period of time. (See prostate massage for more detail and safety information.)

cock ring: A device put around the penis to keep an erection.

Collar, Collared, Collaring capitalization note: It is a convention among some persons to capitalize the term “Collar” as a form of respect for the Ownership it symbolizes. That convention is used here, but it is by no means universally recognized.

Collar: Any symbol used to represent that a submissive or slave is Owned. Often an actual Collar, but can also be anything from a anklet to a bracelet to whatever the “couple” decides it to be. :PIC:

Collared: The state of a submissive or slave who is the consensual partner of a Master or Owner, usually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes referred to as Owned.

Collaring: 1. The formal acceptance by a Dominant of a submissive’s service. 2. A ceremony celebrating such an event. May be a simple act of commitment between two people, or a formal ceremony similar to a wedding.

consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing bdsm relationship.

consensual non-consensuality: A mutual agreement that within defined limits, or subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and to common sense, consent to activities is given without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. Very common (and pretty much necessary!) for activities such as kidnap or rape play, where prior discussion would destroy much of the “atmosphere”—like spoiling a surprise party. Examples: an agreement that anything rated “2” or higher in a submissive survey is “fair game” for play, without additional discussion or negotiation; or negotiation of kidnap play in advance, but without disclosing when, where, or the details of the scene.

contract (may be capitalized): A written agreement between the Dominant and submissive. Generally, it outlines the structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries of the relationship. It is not, nor is it intended to be, legally binding. Contracts may be used for various stages and timelines of the relationship; for example, there may be one for an online relationship; one covering only the first meeting or first few meetings; one covering a period of time (months or years) after which it may be renegotiated; or for a lifetime. Generally, a Contract cannot be amended; if change is desired, it must be rewritten. Often, there is a separate section for rules, protocols, etc. which can be amended; like the U. S. Constitution’s “Bill of Rights”. The signing of the Contract can be a ceremonial occasion; sometimes it is part of a Collaring ceremony. [Editorial note: will work on finding and posting samples soon.]

corporal punishment: Punishment involving pain, often more specifically impact punishment. Any activity involving discipline through physical means.

corset: Clothing for shaping the body, usually into an hourglass shape. Used in the extreme it can cause breathing difficulty, and shift internal organs and bones.

cosplay: Abbreviation for costume play

costume play (see role play): Use of costumes by one or both parties in a scene to enhance the “atmosphere” of role play. Includes professions (police, doctor, etc), historical figures, superheroes, to name just a few possibilities.

cracker: Attached to the end of a whip. Makes a loud cracking sound as the whip is snapped.

crop: A thin, flexible instrument used for striking, consisting of a rigid but flexible shaft wrapped with leather or a similar material, with a handle at one end and often with a small leather loop at the other. :PIC:

cuckold (see cuckquean): Man whose wife has cheated on him. In the BDSM world, some may have a cuckold fetish in which the partners are aware of the “cheating”, and one or both partners derive pleasure from this knowledge. Often, the female is the Dominant in such a relationship, and enjoys having her regular partner watch while she “cheats” on him; he may or may not be allowed to participate.

cuckquean: Female version of cuckold (above). In the fetish scenario, the cucquean might enjoy a scenario such as being forced to sit and watch quietly while her partner has sex; again, may or may not be allowed to participate.

cunnilingus: Oral sex performed on a female.

cupping: To use a suction device on body parts. Commonly glass cups which are done with suction or fire. :PIC:

cutting: The use of a sharp instrument with the intent of drawing blood.

cybersex: (cyber) Performing or role-playing sexual acts over the internet. This can be done via text only, or using a web cam and/or microphone.


D-type (for “Dominant-type”): A universal term including all forms of Doms, Dommes, Owners, Tops, etc. (s-type for submissives.)

Dacryphilia: Arousal by tears or sobbing. :WIKI: *(No, not a Dacron fetish!)

damsel in distress: A submissive who has serious emotional problems, usually caused by an abusive childhood or relationship, or a traumatic experience such as rape. She may need professional counseling, or simply time to process her trauma, before she can be in a meaningful relationship. See White Knight.

‘deer in the headlights’: (see squick, mindfuck) The look on a submissive’s face when she has been squicked or mindfucked. Priceless!

”deFUNition”: A term used within this glossary to indicate that the following text is intended for entertainment, not to be taken seriously.

diaper lover (see adult baby): 1. One who dresses and/or role plays the part of a baby or toddler. Excellent resource 2. One who enjoys wearing and/or relieving themselves in diapers, without necessarily indulging in role play.

discipline (see reward, punishment): Any activity in which one person trains another person to act or behave in a specified way, often by enforcing rigid codes of conduct or by inflicting punishment for failure to behave in the prescribed way.

DM: See: (1) Dungeon Master/Mistress (2) dungeon monitor


dollification: the process of evolving, mentally and physically, into a “living doll.” Individuals who desire this process-as well as those who are in the midst of the process or have already achieved an end result-may be described as “dolls,” and most desire as well to be owned. The parties involved in dollification are referred to as “Owner”and “doll”; this is comparable to a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship.

Mental traits of a doll include but are not limited to: enjoyment of objectification and natural subservience, the underlying will to be transformed through one’s own and/or outside forces into a living doll, ultimately, the capacity to feel/see oneself in a dollific manner, which the doll will continuously strive to achieve and/or improve.

While not all who possess these innate qualities will embrace them, it will not change that it is part of who they are by nature.

Physical traits of a doll-in process or complete-include but are not limited to: corsets, stiletto heels, thigh highs/stockings, rubber/vinyl/plastic suits, dresses, skirts, makeup, etc. along with all other body modifications. Long hair to a shaved head, A-cup to DD (and larger), any height, clothed or not, still to feisty-the physical traits are all relative to each individual doll and its own fit into and relationship with dollification.

Ultimately the ideal physical aspect of the doll is set forth by the doll itself, an Owner, or a combination of both.

Note: It is important to realize that there is no intention here to degrade or diminish the doll-particularly, as it may appear to some, in comparison with the Owner. This is a symbiotic relationship: Yin and Yang. Those who are familiar with M/s or D/s relationships are aware of the innate equality of such relationships, paradoxical though it may seem. -@Vanille

Domdrop: The Dominant/Top’s equivalent of “subdrop.” In brief, it’s an emotional condition caused by the sudden drop of adrenalin from intense BDSM play. It can manifest in a variety of emotional responses, including anger or depression. It’s the reason aftercare isn’t just for subs/bottoms.

domestic (usually applied to a slave or submissive): One whose inclination is to serve primarily as a domestic, as in cleaning, cooking, running a household. There may or may not be sexual or other physical contact involved in the relationship.

Domina or Domme: Female forms of Dominant (see below)

Dominant or Dom: Person who exercises control in a D/s relationship. Can be used for either male or female Doms. (See Domina or Domme above. Also see Master, Mistress. Contrast with Top, which usually refers to the person who exercises control in a scene, and who may or may not be a Dominant “full time”, or may not be the Dominant of the person being controlled in the scene.

Dominate: To have power and influence over another person. In D/s, generally refers to having control in a power exchange relationship. (From Latin dominus: “Lord, Master.”)

doormat: Term arising from “being walked on.” (1) A typical vanilla view of the concept of submission. (2) A submissive who desires to be treated as insignificant, objectified, to serve with little or no showing of affection or approval. Such a submissive will often prefer to be a slave or service-oriented. Such a submissive may be perfectly healthy and happy in this role; however, it may also be that she is a ”damsel in distress” with emotional and/or self-image issues.

dragon’s tail: An unusual type of whip consisting of a handle, often made of wood and wrapped with leather, to which a wide triangular piece of thin leather or suede is attached. This leather or suede forms a lash which is a hollow tube tapering to a point at the striking end. :PIC:

D/s: Commonly used abbreviation for Dominance/submission.

DTTAH: Don’t Try This At Home! This acronym indicates a practice that can be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS and should never be performed, or performed only with consultation and training from an expert. See edge play.

dungeon: A room or area with BDSM equipment and play space. Examples: A corner in a Dominant’s house, a facility owned or rented by a BDSM club, one or more elaborate rooms in a public club catering to the BDSM trade.

Dungeon Master/Mistress (DM): The owner or host of a dungeon facility, or host of a play party. In general, the person in overall charge of an event, whose decisions should be accepted and respected by all attending. (DM can also stand for dungeon monitor, below.)

dungeon monitor (DM): A person appointed to supervise the interactions between participants at a play party to ensure their safety and adherence to the dungeon rules. The DM’s directions must be accepted by all attending. (DM can also stand for Dungeon Master, above.)

dungeon rules (may also be house, group or party rules): A set of rules established by the host of an event or play party, by the Dungeon Master/Mistress, or a group or club. All attendees must agree as a condition of attending. These rules usually address such issues as safety, hygiene, consent, and good behavior.


earplugs: Can be used in sensory deprivation play. May be plugs or “headphone” style hearing protectors.

edge play: Play which pushes the limits of the persons involved. Also used for potentially dangerous activities such as fire, electricity, cutting, or breath play, which require careful study and practice before attempting. *DeFUNition: When the witnesses need aftercare!

electric play: Any of a variety of different practices involving the use of electrical current or electricity to stimulate a person. Some common forms of electrical play include using high-voltage, low-current devices such as violet wands or the use of controlled pulses of electricity to induce muscle contractions as with a TENS unit. Also a stun gun or cattle prod can be used.

embarrassment: (see humiliation) Considered the emotional equivalent of bad pain. Humiliation beyond the recipient’s limits; may cause long-term negative aftereffects.

emotional play (see humiliation, squick): Play making use of heavy emotional content; often humiliation, sometimes fear or shame.

endorphin rush: (see aftercare, subspace) Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the “high” people often get from pain or stressful situations. Once thought to be solely responsible for the phenomenon of “subspace”, but it is generally acknowledged that a bottom can achieve subspace without being placed in endorphin-causing situations.

erogenous zone: (1) Area of the body commonly associated with sexuality; the genitals or breasts (especially female breasts). (2) Area of the body which

erotic sexual denial (see tease, denial, chastity): Keeping the subject aroused while delaying or preventing release through orgasm; to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension, inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity.

evil stick: An implement consisting of a thin rod, often of carbon fiber, typically about the diameter of a mechanical pencil lead, attached to a small, rigid handle. The rod is flexible and very strong; when laid against the skin and then flicked with a strong upward motion at its tip, it causes a sharp pain and typically leaves a thin, well-defined welt that can persist for days. Carbon fiber is a preferred material for the stick.

exhibitionism: Behaving extravagantly in order to attract attention. In BDSM, often takes the form of displaying “taboo” actions or portions of the body to others. This may be for the gratification of the exhibitionist, or at the direction of a Top, to expose them to humiliation. NOTE: In a BDSM context, it should be remembered that a part of “consensual” includes NOT involving innocent bystanders; who, by definition, have not consented to being involved in the “scene”.

exhibitionist: A person who delights in, or obtains some form of gratification from, behaving extravagantly in order to attract attention. In BDSM, this often takes the form of displaying “taboo” actions or portions of the body. See exhibitionism


face fucking: Forcing a person to perform fellatio on a penis or phallic object, such as a dildo.

facesitting, face sitting (see queening): Practice in which one partner sits on or over the other’s face, typically to allow, or force, oral-genital or oral-anal contact. Several styles of furniture (see queening bench) have been designed to facilitate this act.

failsafe (see “out”): An arrangement which allows the bottom to escape from bondage in case of emergency. May be used when a Dominant has a medical condition which may incapacitate him; or the participants may agree to it as a general safety policy, “just in case.”

fall: The striking end of a singletail.

Family (usually capitalized): A grouping of three or more individuals in a relationship; usually (not always) living together. Can be organized around any number of relationship structures, including leather, polyamorous, polygamous, or “traditional” family with a daddy, mommy, and age-playing “children.” The structure can be informal and fluid, or rigid and well-defined. Usually headed by a paternal Dominant, male or female.

fantasy rape: A consensual “rape” scene. Also rape play.

fear play (psychological play): Playing with a real fear in a safe and controlled manner. May be used to help a submissive get over a fear or “push” a limit, or simply for the Dominant’s gratification.

feeder: one who takes pleasure in feeding their bottom so he or she will put on weight.

fellatio: Oral sex performed on the penis. Sometimes used referring to a dildo or other phallic object.

felching: Licking/sucking fluids (usually semen) from someone’s anus.

FemDom: A relationship in which the Dominant is female. Usually refers more specifically to a relationship between a female Dominant and a male submissive; the reverse of MDom.

feminization: To be forced to dress up as a female, usually in frilly, lacy clothing and exaggerated makeup.

femme: An overtly feminine dressing/acting lesbian (as opposed to butch). Sometimes used to describe a gay man. This does not necessarily define the person’s role in a sexual or D/s relationship.

fetish: Sexual excitement aroused by a specific object, body part, or activity not usually associated with sexual arousal. (See fetishist below.)

fetishist: One who gains sexual excitement through a fetish. In extreme cases, one may be unable to attain sexual gratification without the presence of the fetish object (or at least fantasizing about it).

Fetnights: FetLife term for kinky events and/or play parties

figging: The act of inserting a prepared “finger” of ginger root or chili pepper into the anus. The burning sensation is said to induce intense pleasure. Safety note: Be sure it is secured in a manner that it can be removed!

”fire and ice” (see wax play): Play involving the use of hot wax alternating with ice or ice water.

fire play: Using flammable liquids to create quick, fleeting instances of flame on the skin of the bottom. Caution: this is considered edge play, and should be studied with one experienced in the practice.

floating (see aftercare, subspace, endorphin high): How subspace is often described by submissives.

flogger: A tool of impact play, consisting of a handle with multiple lashes attached to it. The lashes are typically made of leather, but may also be made of materials such as rope, suede, horsehair, or even rubber. :PIC:

florentine: A flashy flogging technique involving the use of a flogger in each hand. The floggers are swung in a figure-8 pattern.

fluid exchange: Any activity in which bodily fluids may be exchanged, including mouth-to-mouth, mouth-to-genital, or genital-to-genital. Also includes any contact with blood or with the anus (even though the latter isn’t usually “fluid”). Fluid exchange activities are often prohibited at play parties, except with one’s own partner(s), for health reasons. Similarly, one is often requested to “bring your own toys” (BYOT), which should never be shared.

flying: see floating

foot worship: To ritually respect the Dominant’s feet, commonly by sucking, kissing, and/or licking. May include washing, pedicures, etc.

forced orgasm: An orgasm induced in a person against that person’s will, or despite their having been denied permission to orgasm.

freakout: see panic attack.

French, Frenching: (1) Of or related to oral sex. (2) French kissing refers to inserting the tongue into the other person’s mouth.

frottage: Rubbing of the body against a person or object for arousal.

FtM: Transgender, female to male

furry: One who assumes an animal’s character in play. May wear a costume, but usually only “tokens” representing the animal; for example, ears, makeup, tail, or animal-print clothing. (Editor’s note: Please help SirDreamWeavings with this one!)


gag: Any device or object designed to be placed in the mouth, most commonly to prevent a person from speaking or making loud sounds, sometimes to hold the mouth open. A few examples are ball gag, bit gag, inflatable gag, muzzler, penis gag, & O ring gag

Gates of Hell: Usually made of leather or rubber. Male chastity device for enclosing or restricting penis and testicles. :PIC:

gender fluid (GF): A gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of male and female. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but certain moods or situations may bring out feelings of being more male or female. Being gender fluid may have little to do with one’s birth sex or their sexual orientation.

genderqueer (GQ): Is most commonly used to describe a person who feels that his/her gender identity does not fit into the socially constructed “norms” associated with his/her biological sex. Genderqueer is an identity that falls anywhere between man/boy/male and woman/girl/female on the spectrum of gender identities. (Editor’s note: Huh? Please help SirDreamWeavings with this one!)

genitals: The sexual organs of either sex.

genitorture: Torture of the genitals, yay.

glory hole: A hole cut in a partition through which the penis is inserted in order to receive oral sex or masturbation from an anonymous person on the other side. Usually found in men’s restroom stalls in a “certain” kind of club. :PIC:

golden shower: Being urinated on by another person.

good pain (see limits, bad pain): Generally defines a level of pain (physical or psychological) which the recipient can bear without causing long-term physical damage or emotional harm. See “bad pain” for possible consequences.

Gorean: A sub-genre based upon the rituals and practices created within the world of Gor in the fantasy/adventure novels by John Norman. Gorean culture is based on stereotypical gender roles, a rigid hierarchy, and an emphasis on ritual. Some common Gorean terms are defined in this Glossary: kajir,kajiri, kajirae, kajirus, kajiri, Kolar, kef, Tal.

grandmother rule, grandmothering: (Generally applies to “vanilla spaces”, such as public areas at a hotel where a BDSM event is being held, or heading to a play party at someone’s house.) Your appearance and conduct should be such that, if you happened to bump into your grandmother, she wouldn’t be shocked (unless she knew what you’re carrying in that duffel bag!)

greek: Anal sex.

gunplay: Using actual or simulated firearms in a scene.


hair bondage: Bondage technique in which the hair is secured in such a way as to limit mobility of the bound person’s head.

handkerchief codes, hanky codes: Visible signs to indicate to others your area of BDSM interest. Originated in the leather movement to signal one’s interests in a public environment, such as a bar or club.

hard limit: What someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable (may or may not be subject to change over time).

harem: A group of submissives in the service of one or more Dominants.

harness:(1) For dress/showing off, as in pony play. (2) For bondage or suspension.

heteroflexible: A person who identifies as primarily heterosexual but can occasionally find the same sex appealing; or is willing, in some situations, to have contact with the same sex.

”high maintenance” submissive (see Topping from the bottom) One who desires much attention and D/s play in order to be fulfilled. May be bratty or pushy. This submissive will be happiest in a 24/7 relationship.

hobble skirt: A skirt which is very narrow just below the knees. Intended to restrict movement and cause very small steps. (Caution: when combined with high heels, there is increased danger of falling.)

hog tie: A bondage technique in which one or both ankles are bound to the wrists, usually behind the back.

homoflexible: A person who identifies as primarily homosexual but can occasionally find the opposite sex appealing; or is willing, in some situations, to have contact with the opposite sex.

hood: Wide range of coverings which totally encase the head, often made of leather or PVC. May have openings for eyes, nose, and/or mouth.

horse (spanking, bondage, wooden; see furniture): A piece of bondage furniture consisting of a plank supported by two legs on each end, similar to a sawhorse. A person may be bent or tied over the horse and flogged or spanked. Varying widely in style, these are often “homemade”. :PIC 1:PIC 2:

humiliation; humiliation play (see embarrassment, psychological play): Although the two terms are somewhat synonymous, “humiliation” is considered good pain in BDSM circles, while “embarrassment” is bad pain. Humiliation can come about in a variety of ways, from gentle teasing to objectification. Like pain, humiliation is desired by many submissive personalities, as well as being pleasurable or entertaining to many Dominants. It can also be a tool for pushing limits, or even (carefully) punishment. Humiliation can be psychologically very intense, and should be explored gradually.


impact play: Striking with various objects, including the hand (spanking), riding crops, floggers and whips and canes (oh, my!)

infantilism: See adult baby.

informed consent: The principle that in order for consent to be genuine, the consenter must know all significant information about the object of consent. Example: A person consents to participate in “rape play”, but is not informed that a third party has been invited to take part in the raping. Another element of informed consent is that the consenter is capable of consenting; in other words, not under the influence of alcohol, drugs, coercion, exhaustion, subspace, etc.

interrogation play: Oral questioning taking the form of torture or cross examination.

intersex: A congenital anomaly of the reproductive and sexual system. Intersex people are born with external genitalia, internal reproductive organs, and/or endocrine system that are different from “average” people. This includes hermaphrodites, who are born with both male and female sexual characteristics. Most intersex people identify as men or women, just like everybody else. Frequently, the parents will have surgery performed to bring the deformity more in line with either male or female organs. Tragically, this can result in a loss of genital sensation, or may result in genitals which are opposite to the sexual identification of the individual in later life. >>>[Admin: need verification]

irrumatio: (irrumation) A type of sexual intercourse performed by actively thrusting one’s penis into a partner’s mouth and throat. More commonly known as face fucking.


Japanese bondage (see shibari): Any of a number of styles of rope bondage in which the emphasis is on artistic display rather than simple utility. >>>>>>>[Admin: add other style names]


K-9 role play: see animal play

kajir: Supposedly a Gorean term indicating a group of mixed male and female slaves; however, we are informed that it is not an authentic Gorean word, despite common use.

kajira: Gorean term for slave girl. Plural: kajirae.

kajirus: Gorean term for male slave. Plural: kajiri.

Kef: Gorean term for a brand with the appearance of a stylized cursive lowercase “k”. A kajira may have this branded on the inner thigh to mark her as a slave.

Kegel exercise (KAY-gull): Muscular contractions used to strengthen the pelvic floor. In women, supposed benefits include enhancing orgasmic response, tightening the vagina and reduction of incontinence.

kidnapping play: Scenario in which the bottom is forcibly restrained and (usually) taken to another location for further play. Also see takedown for safety note.

kink: Unconventional sexual preferences or behavior.

kink friendly: Usually used in reference to someone who provides a professional service, such as a doctor, counselor, leather worker, carpenter, etc. May be D/s themselves, or may be one who is accepting of D/s as a healthy lifestyle choice and is willing to help a kinkster with their needs, regardless of the views of society (and maintain confidentiality).

kinkster: 1. A person characterized by “unusual” or fetishistic sexual preferences or behavior. 2. A member of FetLife.

knife play: The use of knives in a scene. Often for the psychological effect, without actually drawing blood; but sometimes used to cut as well (blood play).

Knight: see White Knight.

Kolar: Gorean term for Collar.


lactation: The expression of human female breast milk. An object of fetish for many. :PIC:

LDR: Long Distance Relationship.

leather (culture): A traditional style of BDSM, whose origins are post-World War II and arose out of the combination of some motorcycle “gangs” with male homosexual BDSM. This tradition is credited with originating the concept of the BDSM “club”, which later spread through other orientations to give rise to the many hundreds of clubs now in existence. Women (“leatherdykes”) were allowed to participate starting around 1980, usually as a “sister” chapter. Some leather clubs are rigid in structure and hierarchy; a member moves up through various ranks over the course of years. This type of system is often referred to as “old school”. There are many other


variations as well. :WEBSITE: (Editor’s note: Please help improve this entry!)

leatherdykes, leathermen : see leather above.

lesbian: (1) A female homosexual. (2) Of, pertaining to, or characteristic of female homosexuality.

limits (see hard limits, soft limits): What someone will not do (hard) or is hesitant to do (soft).

lingam: Hindu/tantric term for the penis; used in writings such as the Kama Sutra. Female equivalent: yoni.(DeFUNition: Employed by writers who want to give an appearance of being mystical or intellectually superior ).

little or little boy/girl: One who takes the role of a submissive child in age play. May or may not be sexual; does not imply actual incest or pedophilism!

lolita: (1) An underage temptress (from the 1961 movie “Lolita”). (2) A sexpot who is not underage, but can appear to be. :PIC: See age play.

LTR: Long-Term Relationship.

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