“How to do I tell my partner I’m interested in BDSM?”

By Jessica Cocker

I think our most asked question at ASI is “How to do I tell my partner I’m interested in BDSM?” I really think they are asking “How do I keep my partner from freaking out and calling me perverted for liking to be spanked?” This is something I think each of us was afraid of at some point. Even if you’re already in a D/s relationship, you can still wonder “Will they think this is weird?” And you won’t know the answer unless you ask them!

Some people prefer to bring it up casually.. “Hey, how would you like to try some whips and chains tonight?” and gauge their reactions and go from there.

Others prefer to sit down and have a serious discussion.. “I’d really like to try some BDSM and here is why..”

No one approach is going to be perfect for every couple. Think about what you want and when you feel the time is right, bring it up. You could even just playfully suggest something light during the heat of the moment.

Don’t cry and scream and try to change your partner’s emotions about it right then and there. If your partner is wary, that’s fine. Give them some time to think it over, maybe do some research on their own, and then approach it again another time. If you partner refuses to dominate or submit, you cannot force them. There is no way to turn a vanilla person into a suddenly kinky one.

If they show some interest right away or decide to give it a try, then go slowly at first… try some spanking and hair-pulling. Then talk about how it went and what you’d like to try next. If you’d like, you can try out our BDSM Checklist for a suggested list or even try some household items in your play. Work your way up to bigger and better things!

One thought on ““How to do I tell my partner I’m interested in BDSM?”

  1. Pingback: Welcome… | dominantsoul

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