BDSM Relationships and Roles

One common thing I’ve seen, especially in beginners, but sometimes with the seasoned players as well, is a confusion among the BDSM roles/labels and what their responsibilities are.. and unfortunately I wasn’t able to find a comprehensive guide anywhere either. Below I’ve compiled just a few of the terms generally used to refer to different roles in the BDSM community.

By Jessica Cocker

Dom/Dominant- Male head figure that creates rules and dominates other partners.

Domme/Dominatrix- Female head figure that creates rules and dominates other partners.

Sub/Submissive-Male or Female bottom. They obey rules set in place by their Dom/Domme, but the terms of the contract are negotiated and can be adjusted according to either partners needs. The sub always has the ability to say “no” or use a safeword during play.

Master- Dominant male figure to a slave. Usually have complete control over the slave’s daily activities and/or certain aspects of their day.

Mistress- Dominant female figure to a slave. Usually have complete control over the slave’s daily activities and/or certain aspects of their day.

Slave- I always think of a slave as the extreme submissive. They generally have a negotiated contract beforehand but the terms are not adjusted unless there is an extreme circumstance (sickness, pregnancy, etc).

Switch- A player that switches between dominant and submissive roles depending on the chemistry with their partner.

Top- Partner who takes the dominant role in a relationship or play (sometimes referred to as topping)

Bottom- Partner who takes the submissive role in a relationship or play (sometimes referred to as bottoming)

Daddy/Mommy- Sometimes called the “Gentle Dom”, cares for a Little in parental manner.

Little- A partner who has child-like tendencies or role in the relationship (includes any personality under the age of 18). Littles can also be broken down into Babygirls/boys, Littles and Middles depending on their Little space “age”.

Sissy- A male who desires forced feminism.

Cuckold- A male who desires to see his partner with another partner (usually referred to as a “hot wife”), usually a cuckold is also in chastity and may include some form of humiliation.

Cuckquean-Female version of the cuckold. A woman who enjoys watching her partner with others.

Pet-A submissive or slave who takes an animal role (pony, dog, cat, etc)

Mentor- An experienced member of the community who offers his/her knowledge to beginners, generally outside of a relationship and without any sexual encounters. This can be a hands-on or hands-off experience.

This is a work in progress list, so please comment if you have a suggestion. Thanks!

One thought on “BDSM Relationships and Roles

  1. Pingback: How BDSM Saved My Marriage and Gave Me Peace of Mind | A Submissive's Initiative

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